A special thank you this week to college football. College football is the one sport that hasn't fallen into the dynasty rut that other sports have gotten wrapped up in. People often wax poetic about past dynasties and how great they were to watch. Great if you're a fan of those teams, miserable for everyone else. I'd rather see things kept fresh.
Take the world series that just wrapped up. The Sawwwwwwx were a fun story in the beginning of this century and they got their title in '04. Now just about everyone on the planet wishes that Manny, Papelbon, Theo and his merry band of stat nerds would go piss on a third rail somewhere. The Sawwwwwwwwx have been shoved down our throats for so long that we're all gagging. Luckily the Yankees look like they will be appreciably worse next year so maybe we'll be spared some of their hype. At least Colorado brought some fresh blood to the postseason, even if the television schedule killed their mo.
Now take a look at the "game of the century" this Sunday. Two teams I don't like in a series that I'm sick of. I was hoping last year would be the nail in the coffin of this series. The only way to choose a team to root for is to root against the team that cheats more. But I won't be overhwhelmingly happy if the Colts win because who isn't tired of seeing Peyton Manning? Let's get someone else in there, preferrably a team that has sucked for a long time and hasn't deserted a city or been an expansion team (that means you Colts, Titans, Rams, Raiders, Ravens, Panthers and any other such team I may have missed that has made the Bowl recently).
Which is why I'm so thankful for college football. Sure USC had a mini-dynasty going there but they had some lean years before that, and we all knew a simpleton like Pete Carroll couldn't keep that up forever. The Pac-10 has raised their game collectively and punched the Trojans in the mouth. USF came back to earth a bit but they brought a whole new name to the table this year. A co-worker of mine said his son wants to go to Rutgers because they have a good football team. Rutgers, I shit you not. UConn has learned that egregious cheating can work on the gridiron as well as it does on the hardwood. Cheating your balls off must be a New England thing. Some may lament that the traditional powers have fallen off and "it just isn't the same". I say that is precisely the best thing the college game has going.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
The Word Phrom Philly
Special treat tonight as we have a guest appearance by a man who knows a thing or three about sports misery as a lifelong Philly (and Phillie) Phanatic. Its safe to say that 110% of Americans are disappointed every time they check the news and Boston hasn't fallen off the face of the earth. Just fucking go away already. Enough discussion about these chowdah lovin', Cape Caaaaahd goin', Brady knobbin', pseudo-liberal, closet racist cocksuckers, let's hear from our boy Woods who's from a city (well a suburb of that city) that you can actually root for when your team is out. Here's what he has to say about being a Philly Phan:
It' the worst thing on earth, and then the latest news out is that Philly is the most unattractive city on earth. The difference between Philly fans and New York fans is subtle. We both love winning and DESPISE losers, however, our problem is that even when things seem desperate, we still have that little glimmer of hope, that Rocky-esque thought that HEY, THERE'S STILL A CHANCE! Then our team makes us believe in that hope a little more, until we start to believe in the impossible, WE DESERVE THE IMPOSSIBLE! Then just as we think hey we may actually pull this out, that's when they do it. They rip our still beating hearts out of our chest and kick it around in the dirt, then proceed to shit in the gaping wound they left in our chest. That's what it's like being a Philly fan.
I phucking dare you to argue with him.
It' the worst thing on earth, and then the latest news out is that Philly is the most unattractive city on earth. The difference between Philly fans and New York fans is subtle. We both love winning and DESPISE losers, however, our problem is that even when things seem desperate, we still have that little glimmer of hope, that Rocky-esque thought that HEY, THERE'S STILL A CHANCE! Then our team makes us believe in that hope a little more, until we start to believe in the impossible, WE DESERVE THE IMPOSSIBLE! Then just as we think hey we may actually pull this out, that's when they do it. They rip our still beating hearts out of our chest and kick it around in the dirt, then proceed to shit in the gaping wound they left in our chest. That's what it's like being a Philly fan.
I phucking dare you to argue with him.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
The HS Award
No that's not the Heisman Award, its the Holy Shit Award. Let's face it, the Heisman has degenerated into a psuedo-MVP award which is usually given to the most well known player on the best team at the time of the award. The Holy Shit Award goes to the player that makes you say the phrase the most throughout the season. Recent winners include Santana Moss, Maurice Clarett, Adrian Peterson and Vince Young. They join past recipients who included Desmond Howard (I've heard he's more proud of this than his Heisman), Rohan Marley, Jerome Bettis for the play where he knocked out two guys and himself on the goal line, and Marshall Faulk who was arguably the greatest running back in college history.
There is plenty of football left so my vote is not final. But the current leader in holy shits is by far Tim Tebow. There haven't been many players ever that force a defense to game plan like this guy does. There are so many ways he can beat you. Perhaps most impressive is the fact that he runs more like a fullback than any QB I've ever seen. Most running QBs are the Randall Cunningham type that are fast, with moves to compliment their speed. Tebow's most impressive runs result in defensive players knocked on their back shoulders.
There are certain phases of his game that need work. He sometimes throws knuckleballs and has made some shaky decisions. His girlfriend, while hot, went two sizes too big when she ordered the fake tits. Tim is a bit of a pussy name. And it remains to be seen how his game will translate to the NFL where he hopes to break the long string of disastrous QB careers that dates back to Spurrier. But for right now, count up the holy shits and see if anyone else tallies more.
There is plenty of football left so my vote is not final. But the current leader in holy shits is by far Tim Tebow. There haven't been many players ever that force a defense to game plan like this guy does. There are so many ways he can beat you. Perhaps most impressive is the fact that he runs more like a fullback than any QB I've ever seen. Most running QBs are the Randall Cunningham type that are fast, with moves to compliment their speed. Tebow's most impressive runs result in defensive players knocked on their back shoulders.
There are certain phases of his game that need work. He sometimes throws knuckleballs and has made some shaky decisions. His girlfriend, while hot, went two sizes too big when she ordered the fake tits. Tim is a bit of a pussy name. And it remains to be seen how his game will translate to the NFL where he hopes to break the long string of disastrous QB careers that dates back to Spurrier. But for right now, count up the holy shits and see if anyone else tallies more.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Overrated - Popularity
I'm pretty sure we are all in agreement that democracy is the best form of government around. Don't get me wrong, you can get a lot more done with a dictatorship but those always wind up with the wrong guy calling the shots (i.e. someone besides me). But as far as governing goes, its far from perfect but its the best one out there, far superior to what the commies have going or those has-beens the British with their monarchy to fall back on. But that doesn't mean it has to translate into the sports world.
Last night on PTI (please note, this was originally written last Friday) they were discussing the merits of the NLCS and the conclusion was essentially that they might as well not even play the series because it wasn't going to get high viewership. It can't possibly be an interesting series because there aren't enough name players involved. This line of thought is pure bullshit. What, small market teams can't play good games? And if people on the east coast haven't heard of west coast players they can't be good?
The same day, cnnsi.com (which is really falling apart) ran an article to the effect of "Will anyone care if USF plays Hawaii for the title?". I mean what the fuck? I'm pretty sure the players who worked their asses off to have an undefeated season will care. I guarantee the students at those schools will care. The alums who donate their hard earned money will care. And real football fans who want to see an actual championship and not a popularity contest will care. Who exactly is against two undefeated teams playing for the championship? If only programs that have long storied traditions belong in the title hunt then set up a division for those teams only. The only people dreading this sort of matchup are tv execs and half assed non-fans, two groups whose opinions mean nothing to me.
I've played in some memorable games in my day. In my top five include one very well attended football game (opening day senior year at Comsewogue where we must have been at least three touchdown dogs and won 8-6, 9 tackles and a crucial onsides kick recovery by yours truly), one JV basketball game against Southampton that had no more than 50 people in the gym until the varsity crowd started showing up (22 points on 4 three pointers by yours truly) and one pickup basketball game in George Duffy's driveway during a monsoon where the only people watching were his family (including his piece of ass sister) who occasionally looked out the window wondering what was wrong with us. Point is, great games aren't determined to be great by the number of people watching. They are great because of what happens on the field.
How many boring super bowls have been watched by billions? How many first round games have been better than the NCAA title game? For every VY-Leinart game there is a UF-OSU snoozefest. I understand that ESPN is a business and wants ratings. But they should keep that to themselves and stop trying to get fans to think like that.
Last night on PTI (please note, this was originally written last Friday) they were discussing the merits of the NLCS and the conclusion was essentially that they might as well not even play the series because it wasn't going to get high viewership. It can't possibly be an interesting series because there aren't enough name players involved. This line of thought is pure bullshit. What, small market teams can't play good games? And if people on the east coast haven't heard of west coast players they can't be good?
The same day, cnnsi.com (which is really falling apart) ran an article to the effect of "Will anyone care if USF plays Hawaii for the title?". I mean what the fuck? I'm pretty sure the players who worked their asses off to have an undefeated season will care. I guarantee the students at those schools will care. The alums who donate their hard earned money will care. And real football fans who want to see an actual championship and not a popularity contest will care. Who exactly is against two undefeated teams playing for the championship? If only programs that have long storied traditions belong in the title hunt then set up a division for those teams only. The only people dreading this sort of matchup are tv execs and half assed non-fans, two groups whose opinions mean nothing to me.
I've played in some memorable games in my day. In my top five include one very well attended football game (opening day senior year at Comsewogue where we must have been at least three touchdown dogs and won 8-6, 9 tackles and a crucial onsides kick recovery by yours truly), one JV basketball game against Southampton that had no more than 50 people in the gym until the varsity crowd started showing up (22 points on 4 three pointers by yours truly) and one pickup basketball game in George Duffy's driveway during a monsoon where the only people watching were his family (including his piece of ass sister) who occasionally looked out the window wondering what was wrong with us. Point is, great games aren't determined to be great by the number of people watching. They are great because of what happens on the field.
How many boring super bowls have been watched by billions? How many first round games have been better than the NCAA title game? For every VY-Leinart game there is a UF-OSU snoozefest. I understand that ESPN is a business and wants ratings. But they should keep that to themselves and stop trying to get fans to think like that.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Right now. Mid-October. That little batch of Indian Summer is behind us so the temperature has cooled off to just about sweatshirt weather. This means no more sweating through your shirt before you walk into work. Football has worked out the early season kinks and is awesome again. The Jets have ensured that the rest of the season will be stress free as any hope of contention for anything other than the number one overall pick is out the window. We are 28th in offense and 29th in defense. The only team worse than that is Buffalo, who just beat us. By my math we are the worst team in the league. Glenn Dorsey, come on down!
The good news is that Shark Sandwich has been an unstoppable force the last few weeks. The bad news is that I start the Cowboys D, Nick Folk and Jason Witten and the Boys are playing the Cheaters this week. You have to love how the Post puts an asterisk next to the Patriots name in the standings and gambling lines that says "Caught Cheating". Gotta love the Post. Anyways, the reason I mention the Boys is this week's monster lock. I'm going to stray from the college scene this week (especially since the line on the South Carolina-North Carolina game jumped from 5 to 7.5) and go with the Cheaters -5 at Big D.
My reasons for this pick are as follows (you won't see a Tom Brady slurpfest here). Number one, Dallas is coming off a Monday night away game played in Canada. Game ended late, long flight home, short week to prepare. Number two, yes the Boys are undefeated but it hasn't been a murderer's row they've been mowing down. Number three, Shark Sandwich is due for a letdown week after the tear my boys have been on. Finally, betting on the Patriots, umm, I mean Cheaters is a classic hedge bet. Cheaters win I win money. Cheaters lose I get the satisfaction of them losing. Cheaters win and don't cover is not a win for me but it will slow down the greatest team ever talk.
Now onto the Yankees real quick. I was driving around a bunch on Saturday (the day after the gnat game) and all I heard on the FAN was how much A-Rod sucked and how the Yankees need to get rid of him. And people wonder why Yankee fans are universally considered to be ill-informed bandwagon hopping dumbasses that know nothing about baseball. First off, if he goes elsewhere A-Rod will be the dumper, not the dumpee. Secondly, if he does bail the Yankees will be SIGNIFICANTLY worse without him and the fans will be bitching about losing 85 games, not bitching about losing a playoff series. Finally, Satan's little brother (Scott Boras) is probably playing tapes of those fans bitching in the hope that A-Rod opts so Boras can have a different pile of hundreds to light cigars off.
I'll wrap this meandering mess of a post up with a somber note. Our sincere condolences go out to the entire Filfiley family who lost father/husband Raymond today. The Pet had just left on his honeymoon on Sunday and he had to come home early to face this nightmare. Hang in there Filfiley's, we're here for you. And rest in peace Raymond, you will be missed.
The good news is that Shark Sandwich has been an unstoppable force the last few weeks. The bad news is that I start the Cowboys D, Nick Folk and Jason Witten and the Boys are playing the Cheaters this week. You have to love how the Post puts an asterisk next to the Patriots name in the standings and gambling lines that says "Caught Cheating". Gotta love the Post. Anyways, the reason I mention the Boys is this week's monster lock. I'm going to stray from the college scene this week (especially since the line on the South Carolina-North Carolina game jumped from 5 to 7.5) and go with the Cheaters -5 at Big D.
My reasons for this pick are as follows (you won't see a Tom Brady slurpfest here). Number one, Dallas is coming off a Monday night away game played in Canada. Game ended late, long flight home, short week to prepare. Number two, yes the Boys are undefeated but it hasn't been a murderer's row they've been mowing down. Number three, Shark Sandwich is due for a letdown week after the tear my boys have been on. Finally, betting on the Patriots, umm, I mean Cheaters is a classic hedge bet. Cheaters win I win money. Cheaters lose I get the satisfaction of them losing. Cheaters win and don't cover is not a win for me but it will slow down the greatest team ever talk.
Now onto the Yankees real quick. I was driving around a bunch on Saturday (the day after the gnat game) and all I heard on the FAN was how much A-Rod sucked and how the Yankees need to get rid of him. And people wonder why Yankee fans are universally considered to be ill-informed bandwagon hopping dumbasses that know nothing about baseball. First off, if he goes elsewhere A-Rod will be the dumper, not the dumpee. Secondly, if he does bail the Yankees will be SIGNIFICANTLY worse without him and the fans will be bitching about losing 85 games, not bitching about losing a playoff series. Finally, Satan's little brother (Scott Boras) is probably playing tapes of those fans bitching in the hope that A-Rod opts so Boras can have a different pile of hundreds to light cigars off.
I'll wrap this meandering mess of a post up with a somber note. Our sincere condolences go out to the entire Filfiley family who lost father/husband Raymond today. The Pet had just left on his honeymoon on Sunday and he had to come home early to face this nightmare. Hang in there Filfiley's, we're here for you. And rest in peace Raymond, you will be missed.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Opposite Day
Little late in posting this but here goes with this week's monster lock. Remember, until further notice my advice is to do the opposite of everything I do.
As all two of you who read this blog know (thank you Woods and Dogg!) T-Tennessee is my all time number one betting team. I don't know their all time record ATS but I can't remember a game where they didn't come through for me. This doesn't mean bet on T-Tennessee every week but when they've got it, they've got it. Historically number two in my all time MVP voting is whoever is playing Notre Dame. Dickhead V will tell you that people hate ND for the same reason people hate the Yankees, because of all their success. This is despite the fact that of their 8 national titles 5 were won before negroes were allowed to play and the most recent one (1988) was well before there was any sort of semblance of a merit based national championship. Step into the 90's Dickhead, nobody is still miffed that ND beat out Army for the 1943 title. People hate ND because YOUR shit channel, which used to be sports for sports people and now is sports for housewives and "casual fans" ignores teams that are winning to cover ND teams that have been mediocre or worse ad nauseum.
Take Gameday. Please. Gameday used to be one hour of information about the upcoming games. Now it is an unwatchable two hour mess of puff pieces, incoherent ramblings by a senile old bastard, clips of Desmond Howard typing on a computer, and Corso and Herbstreit's picks on every single game (I'm sure they LOVE Northern Illinois over Temple today). Oh and 15 minutes on why Lardass has his team at 0-5. You'll get more on an 0-5 team than any team in the top 10. This is because ND stories get clicked a lot on espn.com. So if you're sick of hearing about ND or any other team don't click on the story and certainly don't write to the magazine/website and say you're sick of them. That makes these idiots think that it is a team you "love to hate" and they will only write about them more because of the "buzz" the stories create. Don't click, don't watch, don't mention, do click watch and be sure to go overboard to mention/watch/click the teams you want to hear more about. Its the only way these morons will learn.
That is another thing that drives me nuts, this idea of loving to hate a team. I'm beating on Dickhead V a lot here and I actually like him when he isn't screaming at me but assholes like him will tell you how much better it is for a sport if the hated teams are good. Bullshit. All that does is bring bandwagon jumpers who don't know what the fuck they are talking about into the conversation. Nobody thinks like this except people who have a vested interest in television ratings. Anyone who truly hates a team doesn't want their rival to be good, they want their rival's team plane to explode suddenly over an open field somewhere, killing everyone on board (sorry Oklahoma State and Marshall). When Teddy Bruschi had a stroke I hoped he was going to die. I am currently praying for members of the Patriots to get hurt. If Derek Jeter's genital herpes got so painful that he never played another inning it would make my decade. Does this make me a bad person? Maybe. But I'm sure 99% of real fans feel the same way, even if they won't say it.
Which brings us back to ND (who will not be mentioned again in this space after this article, I promise). It used to be easy money betting against ND because they were always overrated and their bandwagon is loaded with fringe "football fan" dolts who can't name a player on their or any other team. Now everyone knows they suck so the spreads have caught up with their sucktitude and it is too dangerous to lay the points (when they improve the original formula will hold again). But the new formula is to bet against whoever just beat them who is now overrated. A lot of people are pointing to the cakewalk Purdue had against ND last week and thinking the team named after a drink/shot has a chance against the team whose symbol is a weed plant. Wrong. I whiffed on THE Ohio State University once this year, I'm not doing it again. THE OSU will use the power of cannabis sativa. THE OSU is the pick -7.
As all two of you who read this blog know (thank you Woods and Dogg!) T-Tennessee is my all time number one betting team. I don't know their all time record ATS but I can't remember a game where they didn't come through for me. This doesn't mean bet on T-Tennessee every week but when they've got it, they've got it. Historically number two in my all time MVP voting is whoever is playing Notre Dame. Dickhead V will tell you that people hate ND for the same reason people hate the Yankees, because of all their success. This is despite the fact that of their 8 national titles 5 were won before negroes were allowed to play and the most recent one (1988) was well before there was any sort of semblance of a merit based national championship. Step into the 90's Dickhead, nobody is still miffed that ND beat out Army for the 1943 title. People hate ND because YOUR shit channel, which used to be sports for sports people and now is sports for housewives and "casual fans" ignores teams that are winning to cover ND teams that have been mediocre or worse ad nauseum.
Take Gameday. Please. Gameday used to be one hour of information about the upcoming games. Now it is an unwatchable two hour mess of puff pieces, incoherent ramblings by a senile old bastard, clips of Desmond Howard typing on a computer, and Corso and Herbstreit's picks on every single game (I'm sure they LOVE Northern Illinois over Temple today). Oh and 15 minutes on why Lardass has his team at 0-5. You'll get more on an 0-5 team than any team in the top 10. This is because ND stories get clicked a lot on espn.com. So if you're sick of hearing about ND or any other team don't click on the story and certainly don't write to the magazine/website and say you're sick of them. That makes these idiots think that it is a team you "love to hate" and they will only write about them more because of the "buzz" the stories create. Don't click, don't watch, don't mention, do click watch and be sure to go overboard to mention/watch/click the teams you want to hear more about. Its the only way these morons will learn.
That is another thing that drives me nuts, this idea of loving to hate a team. I'm beating on Dickhead V a lot here and I actually like him when he isn't screaming at me but assholes like him will tell you how much better it is for a sport if the hated teams are good. Bullshit. All that does is bring bandwagon jumpers who don't know what the fuck they are talking about into the conversation. Nobody thinks like this except people who have a vested interest in television ratings. Anyone who truly hates a team doesn't want their rival to be good, they want their rival's team plane to explode suddenly over an open field somewhere, killing everyone on board (sorry Oklahoma State and Marshall). When Teddy Bruschi had a stroke I hoped he was going to die. I am currently praying for members of the Patriots to get hurt. If Derek Jeter's genital herpes got so painful that he never played another inning it would make my decade. Does this make me a bad person? Maybe. But I'm sure 99% of real fans feel the same way, even if they won't say it.
Which brings us back to ND (who will not be mentioned again in this space after this article, I promise). It used to be easy money betting against ND because they were always overrated and their bandwagon is loaded with fringe "football fan" dolts who can't name a player on their or any other team. Now everyone knows they suck so the spreads have caught up with their sucktitude and it is too dangerous to lay the points (when they improve the original formula will hold again). But the new formula is to bet against whoever just beat them who is now overrated. A lot of people are pointing to the cakewalk Purdue had against ND last week and thinking the team named after a drink/shot has a chance against the team whose symbol is a weed plant. Wrong. I whiffed on THE Ohio State University once this year, I'm not doing it again. THE OSU will use the power of cannabis sativa. THE OSU is the pick -7.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Frutal
Frutal. Fucking brutal. The only way to describe the past weekend in one word is to make one up that combines fucking and brutal. Going from easiest to toughest, let's start with my monster locks. I did make an unpublished comeback on Sunday nailing the Raiders (who aren't that bad) getting 3.5 against the lowly Fish. But my monster locks have absolutely sucked. My advice is to do the George Costanza and do the exact opposite of everything I say. You'll either make a killing or wind up saying damn, his monster locks are starting to hit.
Now the Jets. I knew we were going to regress after last season so I was expecting a lot less than many Jet fans coming into this season. However, before last Sunday the idea of Buffalo going 0-16 seemed like a very reasonable possibility. Not only does the team suck, half of them are hurt. Well nothing brings joy to a fan's face like playing one of my teams.
I had a pissing match with THE NONER at the Pet's bachelor party, and then repeated the same pissing match with THE NONER at the Pet's wedding because we were both sauced (at both events). I am in the camp that it is time to start Kellen Clemens, THE NONER wants Pennington to keep starting. THE NONER's camp likes to tell you that we have a better chance to win with Pennington and I don't necessarily disagree. BUT what does "winning" this season get us besides a worse draft slot? We're not making the playoffs and if by some miracle we did we're not going anywhere. Forget wins and losses. Start Clemens and get him some real snaps. We passed on Leinart and he's starting (in front of and learning from a former MVP). We passed on Cutler and he's starting. We took D'Brickashaw and right now he looks like a bust in training (Mangold on the other hand is an absolute beast). Its time to find out who this kid Clemens is since we decided he was our future over Leinart, Cutler and Brady Quinn.
Finally, the dreaded Mets. Number one, last year was at least ten times worse than this. I've had a disproportionate number of jerkoffs say things like "Oooh, take away his shoelaces and his belt". Last year was worth killing yourself over, this year was not. This year was more disbelief than disappointment. This team reminded me of the '87 Mets. Something just didn't feel right about this team the entire season. They were a half note off the entire time. We only stayed in first all season because the teams behind us lost when we needed them too. At the end it just grew tiresome rooting for the other teams to lose, and its something you can't count on.
Everyone has been waiting for the axe to drop on Willie. Fuck. That. Shit. He is the manager. Its not as meaningless as in the American League but we talkin' bout baseball. Baseball manager's get kicked out of games all the time, I'm convinced Bobby Cox does it so he can start drinking. If Mike Shanahan got kicked out of a game halfway through all hell would break loose. Baseball managers don't do dick. Firing Willie accomplishes nothing. Which means our sights should be set on.....
......Omar. Omar signed a guy in Mota based on stats that were proven to be inflated. He let Bradford walk because we didn't need another arm in the bullpen. Brian Bannister, Heath Bell and Matt Lindstrom maybe could have helped out. We've gotten older, more expensive, injury prone and worse under Omar's watch. Where is the heat on him?
As far as guys who may or may not be on the team, let's go through the list. I was ambivalent about the Luis Castillo trade until I saw him play regularly. This motherfucker can ball. I think the question is whether he wants us, not the other way around. Sign him if we can. Next you have Moises Alou. Everyone knows about the injuries but the bottom line is this guy is one of the best hitters I have ever seen. Don't go into the season counting on him as your number one leftfielder but exercise the option on him with an insurance plan in place. I'm a big Lo Duca fan, I've seen him take a pounding behind the plate, but its time to give Ramon "Fidel" Castro his turn. Sorry Paulie but you'll be too expensive to keep. I'm sure I'm in the minority on Jorge Sosa but I say bring him back to start, not to switch to the bullpen halfway through the season to fuck with his head. Shawn Green can go screw, I never wanted him in the first place and not playing on Yom Kippur is bullshit. Only bring back Damion Easley for the league minimum.
Finally, Titan Tommy. I was never as harsh on Glavine as most people were. I bought into the Glavine era way more than the El Duque era. This is possibly because Tommy pitched two of the most clutch games I've seen in person. One was game two against the Dodgers in the playoffs last year where he just mowed them down. The other sums up his tenure in a nutshell. Glav took a no-no into the 8th only to have it broken up by a nobody named Kip Pellow. Close, almost, no cigar. Just like always with this fucking team.
I'm done with baseball until '08. I'm not even sure who is playing who in the playoffs. I'm sure I'll be unable to avoid dipshit "Yankee fans" once they start playing. But I just don't have the stomach to watch. Instead I'll focus my efforts on praying for some of the Patsies' offensive linemen to start blowing out their knees. They are the reason the Pats are so terrifying. Brady is just there to knock up b-listers. Oh and Fordham basketball starts soon, they never disappoint me....Hmm, The Knicks run a tight ship......oh fuck. This is why I hate sports. Wait a minute. The Rangers baby! We're going to beat those Carolina Hurricanes and Columbus Blue Jackets and Nashville Predators and Dallas Stars all the way the hell back to Canada!!!! Bring it on!!!!
Now the Jets. I knew we were going to regress after last season so I was expecting a lot less than many Jet fans coming into this season. However, before last Sunday the idea of Buffalo going 0-16 seemed like a very reasonable possibility. Not only does the team suck, half of them are hurt. Well nothing brings joy to a fan's face like playing one of my teams.
I had a pissing match with THE NONER at the Pet's bachelor party, and then repeated the same pissing match with THE NONER at the Pet's wedding because we were both sauced (at both events). I am in the camp that it is time to start Kellen Clemens, THE NONER wants Pennington to keep starting. THE NONER's camp likes to tell you that we have a better chance to win with Pennington and I don't necessarily disagree. BUT what does "winning" this season get us besides a worse draft slot? We're not making the playoffs and if by some miracle we did we're not going anywhere. Forget wins and losses. Start Clemens and get him some real snaps. We passed on Leinart and he's starting (in front of and learning from a former MVP). We passed on Cutler and he's starting. We took D'Brickashaw and right now he looks like a bust in training (Mangold on the other hand is an absolute beast). Its time to find out who this kid Clemens is since we decided he was our future over Leinart, Cutler and Brady Quinn.
Finally, the dreaded Mets. Number one, last year was at least ten times worse than this. I've had a disproportionate number of jerkoffs say things like "Oooh, take away his shoelaces and his belt". Last year was worth killing yourself over, this year was not. This year was more disbelief than disappointment. This team reminded me of the '87 Mets. Something just didn't feel right about this team the entire season. They were a half note off the entire time. We only stayed in first all season because the teams behind us lost when we needed them too. At the end it just grew tiresome rooting for the other teams to lose, and its something you can't count on.
Everyone has been waiting for the axe to drop on Willie. Fuck. That. Shit. He is the manager. Its not as meaningless as in the American League but we talkin' bout baseball. Baseball manager's get kicked out of games all the time, I'm convinced Bobby Cox does it so he can start drinking. If Mike Shanahan got kicked out of a game halfway through all hell would break loose. Baseball managers don't do dick. Firing Willie accomplishes nothing. Which means our sights should be set on.....
......Omar. Omar signed a guy in Mota based on stats that were proven to be inflated. He let Bradford walk because we didn't need another arm in the bullpen. Brian Bannister, Heath Bell and Matt Lindstrom maybe could have helped out. We've gotten older, more expensive, injury prone and worse under Omar's watch. Where is the heat on him?
As far as guys who may or may not be on the team, let's go through the list. I was ambivalent about the Luis Castillo trade until I saw him play regularly. This motherfucker can ball. I think the question is whether he wants us, not the other way around. Sign him if we can. Next you have Moises Alou. Everyone knows about the injuries but the bottom line is this guy is one of the best hitters I have ever seen. Don't go into the season counting on him as your number one leftfielder but exercise the option on him with an insurance plan in place. I'm a big Lo Duca fan, I've seen him take a pounding behind the plate, but its time to give Ramon "Fidel" Castro his turn. Sorry Paulie but you'll be too expensive to keep. I'm sure I'm in the minority on Jorge Sosa but I say bring him back to start, not to switch to the bullpen halfway through the season to fuck with his head. Shawn Green can go screw, I never wanted him in the first place and not playing on Yom Kippur is bullshit. Only bring back Damion Easley for the league minimum.
Finally, Titan Tommy. I was never as harsh on Glavine as most people were. I bought into the Glavine era way more than the El Duque era. This is possibly because Tommy pitched two of the most clutch games I've seen in person. One was game two against the Dodgers in the playoffs last year where he just mowed them down. The other sums up his tenure in a nutshell. Glav took a no-no into the 8th only to have it broken up by a nobody named Kip Pellow. Close, almost, no cigar. Just like always with this fucking team.
I'm done with baseball until '08. I'm not even sure who is playing who in the playoffs. I'm sure I'll be unable to avoid dipshit "Yankee fans" once they start playing. But I just don't have the stomach to watch. Instead I'll focus my efforts on praying for some of the Patsies' offensive linemen to start blowing out their knees. They are the reason the Pats are so terrifying. Brady is just there to knock up b-listers. Oh and Fordham basketball starts soon, they never disappoint me....Hmm, The Knicks run a tight ship......oh fuck. This is why I hate sports. Wait a minute. The Rangers baby! We're going to beat those Carolina Hurricanes and Columbus Blue Jackets and Nashville Predators and Dallas Stars all the way the hell back to Canada!!!! Bring it on!!!!
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