Why? Because Spookie Wilson/Shark Sandwich Delivers the Goods

Much like the man shown above I am officially the two time, two time, two time heavyweight champion of the world. This win was more stressful than the last one by far because of the opponent. As you may recall Butchie pulled out of the league at the eleventh hour when he fractured his vagina and was unable to participate in the draft. This scumbag move left us in the lurch. Do we go with nine? That sucks. Do we get a stranger? No, that's why the last league sucked. Wait a minute, Tramp Stamps said she'll play after a 30 second rundown of the rules. Needless to say she romped her way to the super bowl, leaving 8 dudes in her wake. For the pride of men everywhere (and to save a little dignity for the bodies lying in the 8 graves she dug on the way to the bowl) I had to beat her. Had to. Last night came down to All Day vs. G-Reg. Easy peasy right? Except the fact that All Day threw a goose egg last week. He didn't have his best game last night but he got the job done. Tramp Stamps may very well win this league next year or in the future, but at least she didn't wear the strap in her first tv appearance. Great run though Stamps, we'll see you at the online draft next year.

In other news there is the Mitchell report. I have learned from a reliable source (a message board) that this time waster wasn't paid for by tax dollars. Thank God. Now Lenny Dykstra won't have to sit out the first 50 games. I'm no conspiracy theorist but it does seem a little off that the guy running this thing owns a piece of the Red Sox. The big news is that Clemens is named. BFD. Who is this news to? Is there ANYONE who didn't at the very least suspect, if not know this? I like how the new excuse to use is that you were rehabbing from an injury so you took HGH. This replaces the ever popular "I didn't know, I thought it was a supplement from GNC" defense. If you're on this list hurry up and get in front of a media person and say it was to rehab an injury, not to add 6 mph to your fastball.

Great move by Michigan in hiring Rich Rodriguez. Rodriguez had done about all he could do at WVU and the cupboard was going to be bare so good move leaving by him as well. Rodriguez brings the spread option offense to the Big 10 in a move that is sorely needed. New Yorkers tend to think that all non-New Yorkers are dimwitted simpleton rubes, and by and large this is true. But if you drill down deeper you find that the real numb minded hicks in this country are midwesterners. These fucking goobers are at least ten years behind the people on the coasts in everything. So it may take a couple of years but Michigan will blow their minds and be back with a vengeance running this offense with the horses Rodriguez will bring in.

Finally, we can say with authority that 2007 is the year of the scumbag. Bonds breaks the homerun record. The Sawx get to the world series on dubious umpiring (because Cleveland doesn't have a gay nation) and win it, making obnoxious massholes even more smug. The Patriots have a coach that cheats in football and in marriage, a QB with a bastard son he kicked to the curb, a roided out safety (and another proven juicer in Heart Attack Bruschi), a linebacker who faked his retirement to get out of his contract to go to a division rival, and a guy who refused to play for bad teams in Minnesota and Oakland all being rewarded with what will likely be a 16-0 season. And to top it all off, their likely super bowl opponent stars TO. Okay kids, make sure you lie, cheat, steal, throw a hissy fit if you find yourself in a tough situation and you'll all be winners. Merry Christmas!

Boycott

"Its been a long time. Lotta jobs."
- Nice Guy Eddie, Resorvoir Dogs

Its been a long time since I last posted but I'm back with a vengeance today beyotch. I woke up early this morning just for this. Okay I woke up early this morning and simultaneously couldn't fall back asleep nor could I think of anything better to do. Anyway so its a beautiful Saturday morning (aka freezing and overcast) but its Saturday so what better to do than sit around and watch college football. Wait, what do you mean the season is over? Did they publish the tournament brackets yet? Oh yeah, that.

This has been the best college football season I can remember. People usually say that about the season when their team won a championship, and I am no exception. Baseball should have shut down after 1986 because there is no way that season could ever be topped. 93-94 was the peak of hockey, its a good thing they did shut down operations permanently after that year. This year the Hurricanes were absolutely embarassed a number of times, quit on the season, arguably the best alum was just killed, and it doesn't seem like things are looking up soon. So for me to call this my favorite season ever isn't just attaching the "favorite" tag to a great season by my team, I am basing it on pure entertainment value. Every week there were multiple holy shit scores flashing across the ticker, starting with Appalachian State. Some (idiot) writers knock it, saying "there was no one great team this year". This is because writers like easy storylines and definitive statements. If USC wins every game by 30 it makes their life easy, they can just write a story that says "USC undefeated. Are they the greatest ever? Maybe. We'll never know." Writers want predictability. Fans want the opposite. I hate watching foregone conclusion games. Wouldn't you rather see a game where you have no clue who wins and it comes down to the wire?

Its been impossible to do that this year. Part of it is due to the ridiculous overtime system. People laughed at Les Miles but I knew exactly what he meant. Losing in this overtime system shouldn't even count. It is the equivalent of baseball moving the batter's box to second base for extra innings. It is completely retarded. Almost as stupid as...............

The bowl system. What an anti-climactic end to the greatest season ever. If THE OSU beats LSU (a distinct opportunity since Tressel plays chess and Miles plays checkers) will ANYONE really believe the Fuckeyes are deserving of the title of champions? They lost to the one decent team they played. How is it that there are teams that literally have zero chance of winning their national championship regardless of what they do during the season? Magical season guys, congrats you get to go to a BCS bowl. And if you win that you'll be.......the proud winner of a BCS bowl. But not champions. The +1 scenario is dumber than people saying the regular season is the playoffs. +1 only works in very specific situations.

So what to do? I urge any player who is either graduating (hahahahahahaha) or leaving early for the draft to boycott these games unless you are in the title game. All that can happen is injury. Ask Ted Ginn Jr. Or a plummet to your draft stock. Ask Brady Quinn. Sit it out, the games are meaningless anyway. Ditto for fans. Don't bother, these games mean absolutely nothing. Besides, they'll end past your bedtime anyway.......but that's a fight for another day.........