Why? Because Spookie Wilson/Shark Sandwich Delivers the Goods

Much like the man shown above I am officially the two time, two time, two time heavyweight champion of the world. This win was more stressful than the last one by far because of the opponent. As you may recall Butchie pulled out of the league at the eleventh hour when he fractured his vagina and was unable to participate in the draft. This scumbag move left us in the lurch. Do we go with nine? That sucks. Do we get a stranger? No, that's why the last league sucked. Wait a minute, Tramp Stamps said she'll play after a 30 second rundown of the rules. Needless to say she romped her way to the super bowl, leaving 8 dudes in her wake. For the pride of men everywhere (and to save a little dignity for the bodies lying in the 8 graves she dug on the way to the bowl) I had to beat her. Had to. Last night came down to All Day vs. G-Reg. Easy peasy right? Except the fact that All Day threw a goose egg last week. He didn't have his best game last night but he got the job done. Tramp Stamps may very well win this league next year or in the future, but at least she didn't wear the strap in her first tv appearance. Great run though Stamps, we'll see you at the online draft next year.

In other news there is the Mitchell report. I have learned from a reliable source (a message board) that this time waster wasn't paid for by tax dollars. Thank God. Now Lenny Dykstra won't have to sit out the first 50 games. I'm no conspiracy theorist but it does seem a little off that the guy running this thing owns a piece of the Red Sox. The big news is that Clemens is named. BFD. Who is this news to? Is there ANYONE who didn't at the very least suspect, if not know this? I like how the new excuse to use is that you were rehabbing from an injury so you took HGH. This replaces the ever popular "I didn't know, I thought it was a supplement from GNC" defense. If you're on this list hurry up and get in front of a media person and say it was to rehab an injury, not to add 6 mph to your fastball.

Great move by Michigan in hiring Rich Rodriguez. Rodriguez had done about all he could do at WVU and the cupboard was going to be bare so good move leaving by him as well. Rodriguez brings the spread option offense to the Big 10 in a move that is sorely needed. New Yorkers tend to think that all non-New Yorkers are dimwitted simpleton rubes, and by and large this is true. But if you drill down deeper you find that the real numb minded hicks in this country are midwesterners. These fucking goobers are at least ten years behind the people on the coasts in everything. So it may take a couple of years but Michigan will blow their minds and be back with a vengeance running this offense with the horses Rodriguez will bring in.

Finally, we can say with authority that 2007 is the year of the scumbag. Bonds breaks the homerun record. The Sawx get to the world series on dubious umpiring (because Cleveland doesn't have a gay nation) and win it, making obnoxious massholes even more smug. The Patriots have a coach that cheats in football and in marriage, a QB with a bastard son he kicked to the curb, a roided out safety (and another proven juicer in Heart Attack Bruschi), a linebacker who faked his retirement to get out of his contract to go to a division rival, and a guy who refused to play for bad teams in Minnesota and Oakland all being rewarded with what will likely be a 16-0 season. And to top it all off, their likely super bowl opponent stars TO. Okay kids, make sure you lie, cheat, steal, throw a hissy fit if you find yourself in a tough situation and you'll all be winners. Merry Christmas!

Boycott

"Its been a long time. Lotta jobs."
- Nice Guy Eddie, Resorvoir Dogs

Its been a long time since I last posted but I'm back with a vengeance today beyotch. I woke up early this morning just for this. Okay I woke up early this morning and simultaneously couldn't fall back asleep nor could I think of anything better to do. Anyway so its a beautiful Saturday morning (aka freezing and overcast) but its Saturday so what better to do than sit around and watch college football. Wait, what do you mean the season is over? Did they publish the tournament brackets yet? Oh yeah, that.

This has been the best college football season I can remember. People usually say that about the season when their team won a championship, and I am no exception. Baseball should have shut down after 1986 because there is no way that season could ever be topped. 93-94 was the peak of hockey, its a good thing they did shut down operations permanently after that year. This year the Hurricanes were absolutely embarassed a number of times, quit on the season, arguably the best alum was just killed, and it doesn't seem like things are looking up soon. So for me to call this my favorite season ever isn't just attaching the "favorite" tag to a great season by my team, I am basing it on pure entertainment value. Every week there were multiple holy shit scores flashing across the ticker, starting with Appalachian State. Some (idiot) writers knock it, saying "there was no one great team this year". This is because writers like easy storylines and definitive statements. If USC wins every game by 30 it makes their life easy, they can just write a story that says "USC undefeated. Are they the greatest ever? Maybe. We'll never know." Writers want predictability. Fans want the opposite. I hate watching foregone conclusion games. Wouldn't you rather see a game where you have no clue who wins and it comes down to the wire?

Its been impossible to do that this year. Part of it is due to the ridiculous overtime system. People laughed at Les Miles but I knew exactly what he meant. Losing in this overtime system shouldn't even count. It is the equivalent of baseball moving the batter's box to second base for extra innings. It is completely retarded. Almost as stupid as...............

The bowl system. What an anti-climactic end to the greatest season ever. If THE OSU beats LSU (a distinct opportunity since Tressel plays chess and Miles plays checkers) will ANYONE really believe the Fuckeyes are deserving of the title of champions? They lost to the one decent team they played. How is it that there are teams that literally have zero chance of winning their national championship regardless of what they do during the season? Magical season guys, congrats you get to go to a BCS bowl. And if you win that you'll be.......the proud winner of a BCS bowl. But not champions. The +1 scenario is dumber than people saying the regular season is the playoffs. +1 only works in very specific situations.

So what to do? I urge any player who is either graduating (hahahahahahaha) or leaving early for the draft to boycott these games unless you are in the title game. All that can happen is injury. Ask Ted Ginn Jr. Or a plummet to your draft stock. Ask Brady Quinn. Sit it out, the games are meaningless anyway. Ditto for fans. Don't bother, these games mean absolutely nothing. Besides, they'll end past your bedtime anyway.......but that's a fight for another day.........

Random Thoughts

Because I'm too lazy to write full articles on these:

- A-Rod - Winners: Texas Rangers skirt the 21 large they were on the hook for if he never opted out. Losers: Everyone else. Boras looks like a fool for about ten different reasons. A-Rod looks like a jerkoff for going back to a situation where he was universally hated by fans, media and teammates. Hank Steinbrenner looks like a pussy for backing off his refusal to even speak to Rod if he opts out. The Yankees are locking up a 32 year old for ten years, an absurd length of time for any employment contract in any industry. The locker room went from relief that an unwanted guest was finally leaving only to have him say PSYCHE and set up camp until 2017. And the fans are in an awkward state of going from hating him to kinda sorta liking him to hating him and being glad he's gone to I guess kinda sorta being happy he's back. A lot of people say "Fuck I don't care, its not my money". Keep that in mind when you're paying 10 bucks for a 12 oz. beer in a paper cup to pay his salary.

- THE OSU/Michigan - if you haven't gotten around to watching the HBO special on this series do yourself a favor and take a pass on it. It was as bad as the UCLA documentary was good. The historical stuff was fascinating, the interviews with Bo were riveting especially considering that he died two days after filming and Desmond Howard's description of what was going through his head as he was running back the TD and deciding whether or not to do the Heisman pose was hilarious. But the interviews with the toolbox fans were pathetic, depressing, boring and absolutely unbearable and ruined the entire show.

- Mike Golic apparently admitted specifics about using roids today on his radio show. Many people like to tell you that because of random testing, steroid use is non-existent in college and the NFL. Bull fucking shit. I absolutely guarantee you that there is a shitload more going on than the occasional Luis Castillo incident. I remember a lineman on our football team in college (and we're talking I-AA here, this wasn't The U) telling us that basically everyone, himself and almost all of his teammates included, who played at the college level was juicing. It was just part of the deal. Let's face it, leagues have everything to lose by having a good testing policy. Look at cycling. If you ask a stranger what they know they will give one of two responses: Lance Armstrong (former noble family man turned child molestor) and/or blood doping. Cycling's testing is too good for its own good. It has caught too many people. The image of the sport is completely ruined. They would have been better off with a weaker testing program that left people wondering instead of knowing. You know, like baseball.

- Finally the pick. Holy shit I won a bet last week (by a cool 0.5 margin fuck you very much). This week its back to the college scene with Maryland getting 7.5 against FSU. Always take the fat fuck over the old bastard, its an age old adage. I also like the Arkansas Razorbacks giving 11 to Mississippi State (look for McFadden to run wild in a Heisman push) and LSU giving 19.5 to Ole Miss in a score runup to try to lock up the national title game. Is this breaking my policy of only one pick per week? Yes, but there aren't many weekends of college ball left, and its not like these locks have been hitting worth a shit anyway smartass..........

Questions of the Week

Some things to ponder going into the weekend:

- is there a bigger cockshiner on TV nowadays than Cris Collinsworth? This fucknut makes me long to hear Billy Packer get on the mic. If I was teaching someone the English language, starting with the naughty words of course, when we got to douchebag I would play a 30 second clip of CC yammering on and there would be instant comprehension. He's added a new wrinkle this year where he talks about the Patriots in a smug, snarky manner as if he has something to do with their success. And you can't get away from this prick either, he's on NBC's crapfest and has ruined Inside the NFL. Hopefully Dan Marino learned a thing or two about violence filming Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and will beat Collinsworth to a pulp asap.

- does anyone take it seriously anymore when they mention the Mets as a possible destination for a free agent? The classic ploy by agents is to get the NY teams involved to drive your price up. But does anyone really think Jorge Posada is coming to the Mets? Or A-Rod? I've heard the argument that the Mets should play along to drive up the prices of these guys for the Yankees (or the Dodgers). But does this even make sense? Doing so will just drive up the price of the (second tier) guy the Mets do actually wind up getting. At least once say "we're not involved, we have no interest whatsoever ever ever ever" and see what happens.

- will I watch one second of live NBA action this year? For me the magic 8 ball isn't seeing much likelihood, certainly not as long as David Stern is involved, possibly not ever again. Just can't get myself even remotely into it.

- has there ever been a better press conference moment than Denny Green's blowup last year? Press conferences are incredibly dull, I've tried watching ESPN's coverage of them on a Monday day off and it is the single most boring thing one can experience. There have been some notable exceptions of course, everyone loves "Playoffs?!?! P-p-p-playoffs?!!?!", "We talking about practice" and of course John Chaney trying to kick John Calipari's ass. With the NFL being a copycat league, and the coach being copied being the most miserable fuck walking the planet we may never see another moment like Denny's "You wanna crown them? Then crown their ass!" tirade, the greatest press conference moment in history.

- will one of these monster locks ever hit? Yes hot dammit, this one. Buffalo giving 2.5 to the lowly Fish at Joe Robbie or whatever the hell that lifeless dump the Canes will be calling home next year is called. The Bills are a tough group despite all the injuries and have a winning record against the spread with one of their real (and spread) losses coming against the team that runs up the score. And the Fish have made such poor personnel decisions that this movement to blow the team up completely and start over gets my full endorsement. Bet a testicle on it.

The Weekend

Observations from the weekend:

- the college overtime system needs to be tweaked, big time. The 25 yard line is WAY too close ot the end zone. The games go on forever. Statistics are wildly inflated (imagine if there was a decent fantasy college football format). It is too gimmicky. And it is a cheap way to lose, a loss in this overtime isn't the same as losing in four quarters, it just isn't.

- if you just read the box score it might seem like KU was running up the score on Nebraska but honestly it was more like Nebraska was doing everything in their power to make sure KU scored on every possession. Great win for KU who has been on the wrong side of those beatings quite a few times against Nebraska who has never ever even considered calling off the dogs. If they Jayhawks run the table they are in, I don't care who else is out there.

- A lot of people are handing the Heisman to Dennis Dixon now that BC lost. I just don't get why the Heisman needs to go to a player on the team that wins (or at least plays for) it all. Isn't it possible that the best player amongst the 10,000 or so playing I-A football isn't on the number one ranked team? I'm not knocking Dixon because if he wins it he deserves it, I'm knocking the manner in which Ryan was disposed of like a used snotrag. Luckily the lucrative Holy Shit Award is still up for grabs.

- Deciding who plays in the BCS title game this year could be uglier than ever. There is almost certainly going to be a deserving team left out and there could be a possibility that a game other than the BCS title game holds the two most worthy teams. It would be great if there were some way in sports to decide who the best team was without relying on a popularity contest. Unfortunately, neither I nor anyone else can think of a better way for a championship to be decided than through a formula of writers trying to sell newspapers, complicated computer models and unpaid assistant coaches voting on who the best team is.

- good to see Peyton Manning back to his usual choke artist self, it was like welcoming home a family member you haven't seen in a season. I mean year.

- The battle for the first pick in the draft is going to be neck and neck, good to see the Jets squeak out a loss on Sunday. Of course it really doesn't matter, like all of our first rounders this one will undoubtedly be a bust (think Blair Thomas or Dewayne Robertson) or show some promise with the Jets only to blossom for another team (think James Farrior, Keyshawn Johnson, Kyle Brady, Jeff Lageman, Jonathan Vilma v2008 etc.)

- Nothing beats suffering through a Monday night game that was decided within five minutes of the kickoff hoping that the combination of Willie Parker and Jake Reed don't score north of 28 fantasy points. I've never seen a team yap more when down by five touchdowns than the Ravens. Bart Scott was yelling at the Steelers sideline after every tackle he made. Zip it and get back in the huddle. Steve McNair looks like he didn't survive that last surgery. With the way he stands there with the ball like a fucking statue he's teeing up a few more operations this offseason.

- Finally, its hip these days to bitch about the "This is our country" commercials. But a darkhorse has emerged in the race for "commercial that will be brought up in a justifiable homicide defense before the end of the 2008 NCAA tournament". Those fucking piece of shit Comfort Suites "I've been everywhere" ads. I've been to Newark Hackensack three meetings back to back......well I'm fucking begging for mercy here people. Please stop with this ad campaign before I start hurting myself and others around me. I get it, you've been everywhere. You win. I give.

Thank You II

Just wanted to continue on with the theme from the other day. I am looking forward to tomorrow's slate of college games far more than the "game of all time" on Sunday. You've got Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu-Nebraska to start off the day (and make sure to say a special thanks to your friends at the Big Ten Network for keeping THE OSU-Wisconsin on a channel that 38 people get instead of swapping it with Northwestern-Iowa). If you've ever asked a tired looking, scantily clad, not that good looking when sober waitress "Wait, so I can get gravy with the cheese fries?" you have to root for KU's head coach Mark Mangino. This guy looks like he had his first heart attack at the age of eleven. And he wore a velour track suit on the sidelines last weekend. As I told the Dogg, anyone who can be that shamelessly fat in public deserves our respect.

Then let's talk LSU-Bama. At first I had a brainfart and was curious as to why everyone was so worked up about teams that have played each other forever but never seemed like direct rivals (mainly because Bama has always had Auburn as the thorn in their side). Stupid me then remembered the poor man's Belichick Saban fucked the Tigers balls deep to go to the Fish, then ass fucked their sister by taking the Bama job a year later. Its tough for a Jet fan to equate the hatred for Belichick taking the Jet job for one day and then winning three and counting super bowls for your biggest rival to this, but its close. Go Tigers (and yes fuck you Bama for that Nat Title you jerked the Canes out of with your cheating ass coach Gene Stallings).

The Ducks-Sun Devils game is the game of the day. If you were dumb enough to bet with me last week you learned your lesson about Oregon, this team can ball. Arizona State may not have quite the pedigree but they pimped the only team (Cal) that can say they beat Oregon. And anyone who has ever splurged for the Playboy College Issue can vouch for the fact that ASU is number one regardless of who wins this game. Regardless, I like the Ducks to win this one and hopefully find themselves playing for a national title and not watching two subpar teams in THE OSU and BC play for a belt that belongs to either USC or the Ducks.

In closing, I'll end with the most insignificant game on the schedule as my pick. Is this the worst ND team of our lifetime? By far. Does Charlie Weis look like he can't even eat 1/4 of the grand slam breakfasts Mark Mangino can put down in a single sitting? Of course. Does Jimmy Clausen look like his best career path is learning to suck dick for spare change at the bus depot? Obviously. But is there a snowball's chance in hell that Navy will beat ND in South Bend tomorrow? XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. No way. Brady Quinn was bigger than every starter on Navy's defense last year. ND wins and covers the 3.5 easily.

Thank You

A special thank you this week to college football. College football is the one sport that hasn't fallen into the dynasty rut that other sports have gotten wrapped up in. People often wax poetic about past dynasties and how great they were to watch. Great if you're a fan of those teams, miserable for everyone else. I'd rather see things kept fresh.

Take the world series that just wrapped up. The Sawwwwwwx were a fun story in the beginning of this century and they got their title in '04. Now just about everyone on the planet wishes that Manny, Papelbon, Theo and his merry band of stat nerds would go piss on a third rail somewhere. The Sawwwwwwwwx have been shoved down our throats for so long that we're all gagging. Luckily the Yankees look like they will be appreciably worse next year so maybe we'll be spared some of their hype. At least Colorado brought some fresh blood to the postseason, even if the television schedule killed their mo.

Now take a look at the "game of the century" this Sunday. Two teams I don't like in a series that I'm sick of. I was hoping last year would be the nail in the coffin of this series. The only way to choose a team to root for is to root against the team that cheats more. But I won't be overhwhelmingly happy if the Colts win because who isn't tired of seeing Peyton Manning? Let's get someone else in there, preferrably a team that has sucked for a long time and hasn't deserted a city or been an expansion team (that means you Colts, Titans, Rams, Raiders, Ravens, Panthers and any other such team I may have missed that has made the Bowl recently).

Which is why I'm so thankful for college football. Sure USC had a mini-dynasty going there but they had some lean years before that, and we all knew a simpleton like Pete Carroll couldn't keep that up forever. The Pac-10 has raised their game collectively and punched the Trojans in the mouth. USF came back to earth a bit but they brought a whole new name to the table this year. A co-worker of mine said his son wants to go to Rutgers because they have a good football team. Rutgers, I shit you not. UConn has learned that egregious cheating can work on the gridiron as well as it does on the hardwood. Cheating your balls off must be a New England thing. Some may lament that the traditional powers have fallen off and "it just isn't the same". I say that is precisely the best thing the college game has going.

The Word Phrom Philly

Special treat tonight as we have a guest appearance by a man who knows a thing or three about sports misery as a lifelong Philly (and Phillie) Phanatic. Its safe to say that 110% of Americans are disappointed every time they check the news and Boston hasn't fallen off the face of the earth. Just fucking go away already. Enough discussion about these chowdah lovin', Cape Caaaaahd goin', Brady knobbin', pseudo-liberal, closet racist cocksuckers, let's hear from our boy Woods who's from a city (well a suburb of that city) that you can actually root for when your team is out. Here's what he has to say about being a Philly Phan:

It' the worst thing on earth, and then the latest news out is that Philly is the most unattractive city on earth. The difference between Philly fans and New York fans is subtle. We both love winning and DESPISE losers, however, our problem is that even when things seem desperate, we still have that little glimmer of hope, that Rocky-esque thought that HEY, THERE'S STILL A CHANCE! Then our team makes us believe in that hope a little more, until we start to believe in the impossible, WE DESERVE THE IMPOSSIBLE! Then just as we think hey we may actually pull this out, that's when they do it. They rip our still beating hearts out of our chest and kick it around in the dirt, then proceed to shit in the gaping wound they left in our chest. That's what it's like being a Philly fan.



I phucking dare you to argue with him.

Iiiiisn't that Random

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The HS Award

No that's not the Heisman Award, its the Holy Shit Award. Let's face it, the Heisman has degenerated into a psuedo-MVP award which is usually given to the most well known player on the best team at the time of the award. The Holy Shit Award goes to the player that makes you say the phrase the most throughout the season. Recent winners include Santana Moss, Maurice Clarett, Adrian Peterson and Vince Young. They join past recipients who included Desmond Howard (I've heard he's more proud of this than his Heisman), Rohan Marley, Jerome Bettis for the play where he knocked out two guys and himself on the goal line, and Marshall Faulk who was arguably the greatest running back in college history.

There is plenty of football left so my vote is not final. But the current leader in holy shits is by far Tim Tebow. There haven't been many players ever that force a defense to game plan like this guy does. There are so many ways he can beat you. Perhaps most impressive is the fact that he runs more like a fullback than any QB I've ever seen. Most running QBs are the Randall Cunningham type that are fast, with moves to compliment their speed. Tebow's most impressive runs result in defensive players knocked on their back shoulders.

There are certain phases of his game that need work. He sometimes throws knuckleballs and has made some shaky decisions. His girlfriend, while hot, went two sizes too big when she ordered the fake tits. Tim is a bit of a pussy name. And it remains to be seen how his game will translate to the NFL where he hopes to break the long string of disastrous QB careers that dates back to Spurrier. But for right now, count up the holy shits and see if anyone else tallies more.

Overrated - Popularity

I'm pretty sure we are all in agreement that democracy is the best form of government around. Don't get me wrong, you can get a lot more done with a dictatorship but those always wind up with the wrong guy calling the shots (i.e. someone besides me). But as far as governing goes, its far from perfect but its the best one out there, far superior to what the commies have going or those has-beens the British with their monarchy to fall back on. But that doesn't mean it has to translate into the sports world.

Last night on PTI (please note, this was originally written last Friday) they were discussing the merits of the NLCS and the conclusion was essentially that they might as well not even play the series because it wasn't going to get high viewership. It can't possibly be an interesting series because there aren't enough name players involved. This line of thought is pure bullshit. What, small market teams can't play good games? And if people on the east coast haven't heard of west coast players they can't be good?

The same day, cnnsi.com (which is really falling apart) ran an article to the effect of "Will anyone care if USF plays Hawaii for the title?". I mean what the fuck? I'm pretty sure the players who worked their asses off to have an undefeated season will care. I guarantee the students at those schools will care. The alums who donate their hard earned money will care. And real football fans who want to see an actual championship and not a popularity contest will care. Who exactly is against two undefeated teams playing for the championship? If only programs that have long storied traditions belong in the title hunt then set up a division for those teams only. The only people dreading this sort of matchup are tv execs and half assed non-fans, two groups whose opinions mean nothing to me.

I've played in some memorable games in my day. In my top five include one very well attended football game (opening day senior year at Comsewogue where we must have been at least three touchdown dogs and won 8-6, 9 tackles and a crucial onsides kick recovery by yours truly), one JV basketball game against Southampton that had no more than 50 people in the gym until the varsity crowd started showing up (22 points on 4 three pointers by yours truly) and one pickup basketball game in George Duffy's driveway during a monsoon where the only people watching were his family (including his piece of ass sister) who occasionally looked out the window wondering what was wrong with us. Point is, great games aren't determined to be great by the number of people watching. They are great because of what happens on the field.

How many boring super bowls have been watched by billions? How many first round games have been better than the NCAA title game? For every VY-Leinart game there is a UF-OSU snoozefest. I understand that ESPN is a business and wants ratings. But they should keep that to themselves and stop trying to get fans to think like that.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Right now. Mid-October. That little batch of Indian Summer is behind us so the temperature has cooled off to just about sweatshirt weather. This means no more sweating through your shirt before you walk into work. Football has worked out the early season kinks and is awesome again. The Jets have ensured that the rest of the season will be stress free as any hope of contention for anything other than the number one overall pick is out the window. We are 28th in offense and 29th in defense. The only team worse than that is Buffalo, who just beat us. By my math we are the worst team in the league. Glenn Dorsey, come on down!

The good news is that Shark Sandwich has been an unstoppable force the last few weeks. The bad news is that I start the Cowboys D, Nick Folk and Jason Witten and the Boys are playing the Cheaters this week. You have to love how the Post puts an asterisk next to the Patriots name in the standings and gambling lines that says "Caught Cheating". Gotta love the Post. Anyways, the reason I mention the Boys is this week's monster lock. I'm going to stray from the college scene this week (especially since the line on the South Carolina-North Carolina game jumped from 5 to 7.5) and go with the Cheaters -5 at Big D.

My reasons for this pick are as follows (you won't see a Tom Brady slurpfest here). Number one, Dallas is coming off a Monday night away game played in Canada. Game ended late, long flight home, short week to prepare. Number two, yes the Boys are undefeated but it hasn't been a murderer's row they've been mowing down. Number three, Shark Sandwich is due for a letdown week after the tear my boys have been on. Finally, betting on the Patriots, umm, I mean Cheaters is a classic hedge bet. Cheaters win I win money. Cheaters lose I get the satisfaction of them losing. Cheaters win and don't cover is not a win for me but it will slow down the greatest team ever talk.

Now onto the Yankees real quick. I was driving around a bunch on Saturday (the day after the gnat game) and all I heard on the FAN was how much A-Rod sucked and how the Yankees need to get rid of him. And people wonder why Yankee fans are universally considered to be ill-informed bandwagon hopping dumbasses that know nothing about baseball. First off, if he goes elsewhere A-Rod will be the dumper, not the dumpee. Secondly, if he does bail the Yankees will be SIGNIFICANTLY worse without him and the fans will be bitching about losing 85 games, not bitching about losing a playoff series. Finally, Satan's little brother (Scott Boras) is probably playing tapes of those fans bitching in the hope that A-Rod opts so Boras can have a different pile of hundreds to light cigars off.

I'll wrap this meandering mess of a post up with a somber note. Our sincere condolences go out to the entire Filfiley family who lost father/husband Raymond today. The Pet had just left on his honeymoon on Sunday and he had to come home early to face this nightmare. Hang in there Filfiley's, we're here for you. And rest in peace Raymond, you will be missed.

Opposite Day

Little late in posting this but here goes with this week's monster lock. Remember, until further notice my advice is to do the opposite of everything I do.

As all two of you who read this blog know (thank you Woods and Dogg!) T-Tennessee is my all time number one betting team. I don't know their all time record ATS but I can't remember a game where they didn't come through for me. This doesn't mean bet on T-Tennessee every week but when they've got it, they've got it. Historically number two in my all time MVP voting is whoever is playing Notre Dame. Dickhead V will tell you that people hate ND for the same reason people hate the Yankees, because of all their success. This is despite the fact that of their 8 national titles 5 were won before negroes were allowed to play and the most recent one (1988) was well before there was any sort of semblance of a merit based national championship. Step into the 90's Dickhead, nobody is still miffed that ND beat out Army for the 1943 title. People hate ND because YOUR shit channel, which used to be sports for sports people and now is sports for housewives and "casual fans" ignores teams that are winning to cover ND teams that have been mediocre or worse ad nauseum.

Take Gameday. Please. Gameday used to be one hour of information about the upcoming games. Now it is an unwatchable two hour mess of puff pieces, incoherent ramblings by a senile old bastard, clips of Desmond Howard typing on a computer, and Corso and Herbstreit's picks on every single game (I'm sure they LOVE Northern Illinois over Temple today). Oh and 15 minutes on why Lardass has his team at 0-5. You'll get more on an 0-5 team than any team in the top 10. This is because ND stories get clicked a lot on espn.com. So if you're sick of hearing about ND or any other team don't click on the story and certainly don't write to the magazine/website and say you're sick of them. That makes these idiots think that it is a team you "love to hate" and they will only write about them more because of the "buzz" the stories create. Don't click, don't watch, don't mention, do click watch and be sure to go overboard to mention/watch/click the teams you want to hear more about. Its the only way these morons will learn.

That is another thing that drives me nuts, this idea of loving to hate a team. I'm beating on Dickhead V a lot here and I actually like him when he isn't screaming at me but assholes like him will tell you how much better it is for a sport if the hated teams are good. Bullshit. All that does is bring bandwagon jumpers who don't know what the fuck they are talking about into the conversation. Nobody thinks like this except people who have a vested interest in television ratings. Anyone who truly hates a team doesn't want their rival to be good, they want their rival's team plane to explode suddenly over an open field somewhere, killing everyone on board (sorry Oklahoma State and Marshall). When Teddy Bruschi had a stroke I hoped he was going to die. I am currently praying for members of the Patriots to get hurt. If Derek Jeter's genital herpes got so painful that he never played another inning it would make my decade. Does this make me a bad person? Maybe. But I'm sure 99% of real fans feel the same way, even if they won't say it.

Which brings us back to ND (who will not be mentioned again in this space after this article, I promise). It used to be easy money betting against ND because they were always overrated and their bandwagon is loaded with fringe "football fan" dolts who can't name a player on their or any other team. Now everyone knows they suck so the spreads have caught up with their sucktitude and it is too dangerous to lay the points (when they improve the original formula will hold again). But the new formula is to bet against whoever just beat them who is now overrated. A lot of people are pointing to the cakewalk Purdue had against ND last week and thinking the team named after a drink/shot has a chance against the team whose symbol is a weed plant. Wrong. I whiffed on THE Ohio State University once this year, I'm not doing it again. THE OSU will use the power of cannabis sativa. THE OSU is the pick -7.

Frutal

Frutal. Fucking brutal. The only way to describe the past weekend in one word is to make one up that combines fucking and brutal. Going from easiest to toughest, let's start with my monster locks. I did make an unpublished comeback on Sunday nailing the Raiders (who aren't that bad) getting 3.5 against the lowly Fish. But my monster locks have absolutely sucked. My advice is to do the George Costanza and do the exact opposite of everything I say. You'll either make a killing or wind up saying damn, his monster locks are starting to hit.

Now the Jets. I knew we were going to regress after last season so I was expecting a lot less than many Jet fans coming into this season. However, before last Sunday the idea of Buffalo going 0-16 seemed like a very reasonable possibility. Not only does the team suck, half of them are hurt. Well nothing brings joy to a fan's face like playing one of my teams.

I had a pissing match with THE NONER at the Pet's bachelor party, and then repeated the same pissing match with THE NONER at the Pet's wedding because we were both sauced (at both events). I am in the camp that it is time to start Kellen Clemens, THE NONER wants Pennington to keep starting. THE NONER's camp likes to tell you that we have a better chance to win with Pennington and I don't necessarily disagree. BUT what does "winning" this season get us besides a worse draft slot? We're not making the playoffs and if by some miracle we did we're not going anywhere. Forget wins and losses. Start Clemens and get him some real snaps. We passed on Leinart and he's starting (in front of and learning from a former MVP). We passed on Cutler and he's starting. We took D'Brickashaw and right now he looks like a bust in training (Mangold on the other hand is an absolute beast). Its time to find out who this kid Clemens is since we decided he was our future over Leinart, Cutler and Brady Quinn.

Finally, the dreaded Mets. Number one, last year was at least ten times worse than this. I've had a disproportionate number of jerkoffs say things like "Oooh, take away his shoelaces and his belt". Last year was worth killing yourself over, this year was not. This year was more disbelief than disappointment. This team reminded me of the '87 Mets. Something just didn't feel right about this team the entire season. They were a half note off the entire time. We only stayed in first all season because the teams behind us lost when we needed them too. At the end it just grew tiresome rooting for the other teams to lose, and its something you can't count on.

Everyone has been waiting for the axe to drop on Willie. Fuck. That. Shit. He is the manager. Its not as meaningless as in the American League but we talkin' bout baseball. Baseball manager's get kicked out of games all the time, I'm convinced Bobby Cox does it so he can start drinking. If Mike Shanahan got kicked out of a game halfway through all hell would break loose. Baseball managers don't do dick. Firing Willie accomplishes nothing. Which means our sights should be set on.....

......Omar. Omar signed a guy in Mota based on stats that were proven to be inflated. He let Bradford walk because we didn't need another arm in the bullpen. Brian Bannister, Heath Bell and Matt Lindstrom maybe could have helped out. We've gotten older, more expensive, injury prone and worse under Omar's watch. Where is the heat on him?

As far as guys who may or may not be on the team, let's go through the list. I was ambivalent about the Luis Castillo trade until I saw him play regularly. This motherfucker can ball. I think the question is whether he wants us, not the other way around. Sign him if we can. Next you have Moises Alou. Everyone knows about the injuries but the bottom line is this guy is one of the best hitters I have ever seen. Don't go into the season counting on him as your number one leftfielder but exercise the option on him with an insurance plan in place. I'm a big Lo Duca fan, I've seen him take a pounding behind the plate, but its time to give Ramon "Fidel" Castro his turn. Sorry Paulie but you'll be too expensive to keep. I'm sure I'm in the minority on Jorge Sosa but I say bring him back to start, not to switch to the bullpen halfway through the season to fuck with his head. Shawn Green can go screw, I never wanted him in the first place and not playing on Yom Kippur is bullshit. Only bring back Damion Easley for the league minimum.

Finally, Titan Tommy. I was never as harsh on Glavine as most people were. I bought into the Glavine era way more than the El Duque era. This is possibly because Tommy pitched two of the most clutch games I've seen in person. One was game two against the Dodgers in the playoffs last year where he just mowed them down. The other sums up his tenure in a nutshell. Glav took a no-no into the 8th only to have it broken up by a nobody named Kip Pellow. Close, almost, no cigar. Just like always with this fucking team.

I'm done with baseball until '08. I'm not even sure who is playing who in the playoffs. I'm sure I'll be unable to avoid dipshit "Yankee fans" once they start playing. But I just don't have the stomach to watch. Instead I'll focus my efforts on praying for some of the Patsies' offensive linemen to start blowing out their knees. They are the reason the Pats are so terrifying. Brady is just there to knock up b-listers. Oh and Fordham basketball starts soon, they never disappoint me....Hmm, The Knicks run a tight ship......oh fuck. This is why I hate sports. Wait a minute. The Rangers baby! We're going to beat those Carolina Hurricanes and Columbus Blue Jackets and Nashville Predators and Dallas Stars all the way the hell back to Canada!!!! Bring it on!!!!

Back on the Scene

Crispy and clean. Been slow posting lately as my sister had a baby last week and I was in a class for three days at work which cut into "my time" at work. Didn't even get to see the baby as some dipshit decided to drive a very fucking large truck on the Northern State PARKWAY and got it stuck in an underpass so we missed visiting hours because of the traffic. Without doing the research I'll bet the concept of a parkway goes back at least 40 years and I'll also bet that to get a license to drive a truck the size of one that doesn't fit on a parkway there is a test where question number 4 requires you to know that you can't go on a parkway. Oh well, thanks dickhead, I'm sure the baby will turn one day old another time.

The good news is that I didn't get a chance to publish my monster lock which was another clunker (the Gayturds), leaving me at an embarassing 2-2 for the year. I knew it was a letdown game after thrashing T-Tennessee but I thought the Gayturds were actually serious about winning another national title. This week is like Russian Roulette weekend. There is not a game you would want to pick with a gun to your head. USF is a tad overrated and is getting a little big for their britches, I like WVU giving 7. But I wouldn't want my life to depend on it. Miami should bury Duke in the OB but I never bet on Canes games. Michigan is intriguing at a Northwestern team that just lost to Duke but the price is a little high at -17. Instead I'm going to go with that crazy old coot JoePa at Illinois giving only 3. Penn State was certainly overrated going into the Michigan game but they should bounce back against the Illini.

Finally a quick (late) word on everyone's favorite topic: Spygate. Don't get me wrong, I will use this incident as ammo whenever I brawl with some douchebag Masshole who is teabagging Tom Brady at a bar. I'm glad it got the entire country in agreement with Jet fans who consider Belichick a complete scumbag. But the reality is that I thought it was (besides the Belichick-asshole-non-apology press conference factor) a non-event. With modern cameras this can be done from elsewhere in the stadium, not just where Mangini used to stand (holding a camera). Stealing signals is a pretty minor offense that got overblown. You know, basically the opposite of how everyone glosses over that major players on the Pats are on HGH with proof in failed drug tests and strokes at the age of 30......

Don't Sing It...

...Bring It Weekend (yeah WCW!). A lot of people tell me they don't like to bet the first couple of weekends because they want to feel it out, wait until all the suspended players are eligible, see who is good etc. These people are widely considered pussies, but we'll give them the benefit of the doubt since its week 3 and by now they should be getting their nuts underwater, ready to dive in like the cool kids.

The first two weeks have taught us a number of things but the central theme seems to be this: with the possible exception of Oklahoma and Texas, midwestern football absolutely sucks compared to non-landlocked football. There are umteen reasons for this, but if you ask me the main one is that midwestern football has always sucked and has been overrated forever. It is not a new development that the best football players are from south of the Mason-Dixon and California. Ohio and Pennsylvania are exceptions to this rule, but how many great football players from New York can you name? New England? Michigan (the state, not the University)? Indiana? Montana? Anyone? Bueller?

The ridiculous manner in which the college football champion has been crowned since forever has done a lot to keep up the myth of midwestern football. Had there been any sort of tournament in place the list of national titles would look a lot different and a lot more southern and coastal throughout the modern era. Have the bartender put a Big 10 game on a tv right next to an SEC game this Saturday. It will look like the Big 10 players are all playing with a shit in their pants (just like JoePa!). Or just pop in a tape of the Michigan-USC bowl game last year. Or.......the Gayturds running past THE Ohio State University....

...which brings us to this week's pick. There are some great matchups this weekend. I love the Gators to roll T-Tennessee at home by well more than 8 but no team has won more bets for me lifetime than T-Tennessee so out of professional courtesy I can't pick against the Vols. There is a very good shot that USC thrashes Nebraska and has the ten covered by the end of the first quarter. But I'm a one pick man, and the pick is this: UW getting 4 hosting THE Ohio State University. THE OSU is ranked because it would seem weird for voters not to vote for a team that played in the title game last year. They are an overhyped, slow team going into the loudest stadium in the country against a hungry UW squad that is on a roll. And the line is shrinking, it was 5.5 three days ago. UW wins straight up (but I'll take the 4 if you insist).

What a Game

As we all know there is nothing more tedious than hearing about someone's fantasy team. But this ending was not to be believed. I mis-coached Shark Sandwich all weekend. Sitting on my bench were Eli Manning, Adrian Peterson, Tatum Bell, Chris Brown and Plaxico Burress in favor of McNabb, Steven Jackson who picked up all of 2 points, Ronnie Brown who spent all day Sunday working himself into a nice platoon for the rest of the season and Mark Clayton who probably took 5 snaps tonight. And I fucking sat at my computer and listened to whatever retard writes the cbssportsline.com guru column Sunday night and played Clayton over Burress who had roughly a trillion points to Clayton's soon to be zero.

But enough griping, onto the ending. Staring down a goose egg from Clayton my only hope is for Heap to be contained. The fourth quarter was absolutely wild. Fast forward and the Ravens have the ball on the two with two minutes left. Shark Sandwich up by 4 over the Angry Armenian. Boller (subbing for an injured McNair) drills Heap in the numbers as the word "FUCK!!!!" comes out loud enough for all of my new neighbors to hear nice and clearly. Flag down. Who cares its on Cincy I lost. Wait a minute, this ref is pulling a Donaghy, he must be playing against Heap in his fantasy league too. Push off on Heap. 4th down - just one more baby. Boller throws a heave, its almost picked off YES I WIN WAIT A FLAG ------- same ref pulling a Donaghy again but against the Bengals this time. Must have remembered Heap is actually on his team, not against his team.

Four more fucking downs of this tension and I need some whiskey STAT. A couple of non-Heap plays before the one where I know exactly where this ball is going, Jaws knows exactly where the ball is going, the whole fucking stadium knows exactly where its going. I'm sweating like a slave in Debo's chicken coop. Boller nails Heap between the 8 and the 6 again "FUUUU WHOA THE BALL IS UP IN THE AIR" and the Bengals somehow pick it off. Bengals win, Shark Sandwich wins, Angry Armenian angrier. So this is what it feels like to win a meaningful NFL game (even if it is week one of a $100 fantasy league. He has LT for the love of God. And I'm a Jet fan, I need any joy I can wring from this wretched sport we love so much).

Speaking of the Jets, there has been a lot of stern talk by confirmed douchebags like Jim Nantz, Phil Simms, Keith Olberman and Steve Serby about how terrible the Jet fans are for cheering when Kellen Clemens entered the game yesterday. Hey douchebags I got two words for ya: "SUCK IT". Most Jet fans wanted to see Clemens get a shot this year (and after the mile wide gap between us and the classless Patriots that was exposed yesterday it is clear we won't be hoisting the Lombardi in '07). But regardless of that, who the fuck are these media cocksuckers to tell fans how to act at games? We don't go around telling Simms' queer son not to get Mike Shanahan's queer son's initials tattooed on his ankle because even George Michael thinks that's fucking queer now do we Phil?

Once a fan pays for his ticket he has free reign to do whatever he wants within the law and the boundaries of good taste. Stabbing a guy in a Chargers jersey or telling a ten year old to go fuck himself are no good. Cheering a backup QB coming in, or booing A-Rod, or chanting a couple of foul words that any kid who can understand them has already heard thousands of times on tv and uses religiously at school, well that's up to the fan, not some prick media type who has never paid for a ticket in his life. Boo, cheer, chant, get drunk, have fun, yell at the other team, yell at your own team, its all fine. Even stupid shit like painting yourself, dressing up like a schmuck or making a sign that makes no sense but somehow highlights the network's letters is okay, its up to you, its your fucking ticket. And if you REALLY feel the need to assault someone, make sure they're wearing a media credential first, preferrably Nantz, Simms or Olberman. I thought that asshole was dead anyway.

Recap: Stepchild Saturday

There were some serious Mike Tyson-Michael Spinks level beatdowns dished out this weekend. Holy schnikees. Starting off the day was OU just dominating the Canes in Norman. For the first half it seemed like the Canes could make a game of it, even if they were just hanging on by a thread. But then reality set in and OU just put on a display as to why so many people are picking them to play for the national title. I loved the fake field goal call by Randy Shannon at the end of the first half, a touchdown was needed there. I didn't love the yo-yo act putting Kirby Freeman back in the game after Wright was clearly more capable in this game. Pick one guy and stick with him.

I left the couch for a little bit when that game got out of hand and by the time I got back Michigan was down 32-7 and Chad Henne had just gotten hurt. What the hell happened to these guys? Two weeks ago they were flapping their gums about winning a national title. The talent is clearly there but its not being used properly. I'm not big on firing a guy two games into a season but the team clearly is not responding to anything Lloyd Carr is doing, which is why they are playing in the scrub bowl next week against.......

.....Notre Dame. I haven't seen a more gutless game plan since Herm Edwards let the Colts beat the Chiefs in the playoffs last year. Okay that wasn't that long ago, but Weis said that Jimmy Clausen gives ND the best chance to win. That gameplan of not throwing a pass more than five yards over the line of scrimmage wouldn't have beaten a junior high team, nonetheless a jacked up Penn State team out for revenge. Clausen might turn out to be good down the line (even though his brothers both sucked balls) but nobody would have looked good with that offense. Why does Lardass have the offensive genius tag again? Because his team hasn't scored an offensive touchdown this year? p.s. Tyrone Willingham's team just broke the nation's longest winning streak. Oh and Lou Holtz, you decrepit old bastard, when listing Clausen's attributes don't mention his experience when he is a TRUE FRESHMAN IN HIS SECOND GAME. Someone cart this fossil to an old folks home asap so he won't eat up anymore time on Gameday. Please!!!

Which brings us to the final redheaded stepchild thrashing of the day. Halfway through the day I was saying OU was the best team I had seen so far. By the time I went to bed that spot was occupied by LSU. They would probably be the best team in the NFC too. Holy shit this team is stacked. Every aspect of this game was just dominated by LSU. Anything can happen in the SEC but it is going to take an incredible effort to beat a team with as much talent as LSU. I still haven't seen USC play this year but it wouldn's surpise most if they lost a Pac-10 game to the likes of Cal, UCLA, Oregon or Washington. The only SEC team I can see beating LSU is Florida. And even that might be a stretch.

Overreaction Weekend

There is a popular theory in behavioral finance that states that markets tend to overreact to news in the short term (and underreact to news in the long term). Had I been a better student, and had it not been my final semester in the long nightmare that is earning an MBA part-time, I would be able to quote the names and university of the nerds that researched this idea to death and now call themselves Dr. as a reward for their fierce belief in both this theory and in the pure lunacy of leaving the academic world to actually get a real job. If you're really that interested in the specifics use google, otherwise just trust me that the legwork has been done. And trust me that the logic holds not only in the financial markets but also in the sporting (and therefore gambling) world.

Flash back to opening night of the baseball season. The two schmucks who announce ESPN games kept repeating idiotic things like, "The Mets can really make a statement to the rest of the National League with a win tonight". And they were serious. Like one game out of 162 really makes a statement, especially when the roster in game 1 will, without question, be significantly different for every team in the NL within three months of said game 1. Think maybe people overweight opening day a little?

Now jump ahead a few months to the NFL preseason. The citizens of the Mistake by the Lake were calling Brady Quinn the greatest Browns QB since Bernie Kosar after he had thrown a few passes against guys that are now volunteer assistant coaches at their old junior high schools, working for a free lunch ticket and whatever gas they can siphon out of the team bus while the driver is napping. Quinn may wind up being great in the long run, but do you think maybe people were overweighting his performance in the pre-season a little?

If you listened to talk shows this week Michigan might be the worst team ever, ND should drop their football program altogether and Oklahoma should average 80 a game this year. There is such a long time between the end of the last season and the beginning of this one that is spent analyzing bowl games and recruits, chatting on message boards and arguing in bars that when meaningful games finally come around people extrapolate the entire season based on one game. So its up to us to take advantage of the opportunity.

My personal pick for overreaction team of the weekend is T-Tennessee (the stutter is in honor of the band Arrested Development). The Vols had a cross country trip to face a team that may win the championship of the best conference in college football this year. Most people woke up Sunday and read that Cal beat T-Tennessee by 14, but keep in mind that included a punt returned by Desean Jackson that should have been kicked out of bounds. T-Tennessee comes home to face a Southern Miss team that shouldn't on the same field, only favored by 10.5. Fullmer is starting to get heat, they are pissed off they lost and should bury that number by halftime.

Oh and although it is my policy to only make one pick per week, if you have three testicles take TCU over Texas. Straight up.

Recap

No, this isn't going to be another well deserved blasting of the not so rabid Wolverines who so thoroughly embarassed themselves this past Saturday. But while we're on the subject, great hustle by ESPN this Sunday. I wake up and am flipping through the channel guide and see something roughly titled "Instant Classic Replay" where they boast that ESPN will, on Sunday mornings, play the best game from the day before. So naturally I get myself teed up to watch the single greatest upset in college football history, a game that will be used as an example in the locker rooms of underdogs at every level for the next 100 years. Which means of course that upon returning from commercial we're treated to Kansas State-Auburn, a snoozefest that will only be remembered by those who were injured while playing in it. Seems that the Michigan, excuse me, the Appalachian State game was shown on the BigelevenTen Network, a channel that nobody gets and ESPN is pissed off exists. There will probably be a fucking movie about the Appalachian State game. But I'm stuck with the memories of K-State being up 6-3 at the half over Auburn.

In other news, thanks to that evil witch Donna Shalala, the Canes, who were on locally in NY all the time when they were in the Big East, now show most of their games on a channel that is even more obscure than the BigelevenTen Network. From everything I've read the Canes absolutely buried Marshall, an opponent that looked pretty scary sitting in that first slot on the schedule. Now its on to Oklahoma, a team that was classy enough to call off the dogs after scoring 79 against North Texas. You know, because 80 would have been insulting. Say want you want about the Canes but I can't remember them ever completely humiliating a team like that, something Oklahoma is notorious for. Let's hope karma is with the Canes in this nationally televised game. And with the way Kirby Freeman played, lets hope for some defensive points.

More good news as Clemson knocked off an overrated F$U team in Death Valley. I've been to some pretty solid college football venues in my day (the Orange Bowl, Boston College, Notre Dame, Fordham etc.). If you've never been to a big time college game, or have been to tons of them and are looking for your next great road trip I can't say it strongly enough: go to a game at Clemson. No other venue I've been to can hold a candle to the overall experience at a Clemson game, it is truly amazing and something you have to see to believe. And in true Clemson fashion on Monday night they maintained the tradition of being capable of giving their orange clad fans a coronary every week as they did their best to keep F$U around in a game that should have been a rout.

Great weekend for the good Pac-10 teams as Cal was electric against Tennessee even if they, in true Pac-10 fashion, started to act like that game was over well before it actually was. Desean Jackson had one of the best punt returns you'll ever see. UCLA covered easily (as predicted by yours truly) and actually could have won by more if their kicker could kick (remember this tidbit later in the season). USC's game started at like 10:30 but it sure sounds like they kicked ass.

Pick later in the week, probably Thursday night or Friday. Oh and when you tell your grandkids about the game make sure to get the final score right, it was 23-13 Auburn.

Summer's Almost Gone...

....and not a moment too soon. I despise the summer with every fiber of my being and have since birth. Put Casper the Friendly Ghost next to me and my skin tone makes him look like Manute Bol. On British Open Saturday it was 57 degrees and drizzling in the middle of July and I was jealous. That is the type of environment that my ancestors saw fit to evolve for. Its always been a mystery to me why people love the summer. Is there a joy in walking outside and having your nutsack stick to your leg within 30 seconds that I'm missing? Is seeing a couple of broads in bikinis really worth the miserable, sandy, overheated and overcrowded trip to the beach? See the beach girls on the internet, and see them topless. On top of all that, when the heat gets oppressive the city starts to resemble that early scene in Halloween where the looneys are all wandering around the grounds of the asylum. You can keep the summer, its the only time I fully endorse wishing one's time away.

The start of football is the modern way to tell that you've survived another one. Granted, there are bound to be a few more scorchers on the way. But with college football starting we've made it through the rough part of the trip and can see the finish line. College football has done a lot to piss me off in the last few years. The college game is supposed to be about rolling out of bed still trashed from the night before, walking straight to the fridge and slamming down a brew in two gulps before you say your first word of the day. From there you head to a tailgate or a bar for some serious day drinking, which is the best kind of drinking. But lately you've seen more and more big games being played in prime time on Saturday night, when any normal person has either passed out or graduated to shots and will be lucky to wake up with their credit card in their pocket. In similar fashion, the big bowls start so late that nobody who is employed on the east coast can stay up for the end of the games. The timing of these games might mean more ratings now but in the long term the sport will be hurt.

Regardless, these are minor qualms, onto the pick. Right after this. I used to work with a guy, The Big Man, who was a college football gambling machine. On any given Saturday if you walked into his bar (not his meaning he owned it, his meaning he owned a stool a la Norm) he would have literally thousands of dollars on the line spread throughout ten different games. Often this would result in The Big Man's net to be him paying the vig on his losses. I am of the school that you find one monster lock and take a hack at it. Its hard enough to be right vs. the bookies once, its much harder to be right twice or more, which is why bookies love teasers and parlays. So you won't see a list of 30 games picked here. What you will get is the game I love and have already put my bet in on, and the exact spread I got in at. If you go with me and lose you know I lost too. And unlike those shady 900 numbers that claim bullshit like "75% winning percentage" I not only have nothing to gain from you, I'll post my record as we go along. Obviously these are not guarantees as I have no inside info; and please don't be stupid like we once were and bet money you can't afford to lose (Woods can tell that story from junior year when he gets a chance).

Official Week One Pick is.................UCLA -17 at Stanford

Rationale: If you asked me to put a number on this game before I saw 17 I would have guessed 28. And still loved UCLA at -28. Much like their academically challenged (in terms of sneaking 85 morons past admissions) brethren at Duke, Stanford's program has degenerated to the point that they are more like a I-AA team now. UCLA is talking Pac 10 title, and will be geared up with 20 starters back from the team that beat USC last year. Look for a big time UCLA romp in this one.

Fantasy Draft Results

Nothing is more tedious than hearing about someone's fantasy team. Its worse than hearing about someone's birdie putt that was really a bogey putt that they left two inches short. So without further adieu, please step inside the Shark Sandwich war room:

Round One -
I am picking third, can't really fuck this one up. LT first, Gore second because the Dogg is a Niners fan, I go Steven Jackson over LJ because I think Herm may kill LJ this year. Break time.

Two -
I obviously need another running back and there is not much there. That prick Woods picked father of the year Travis Henry one pick before me so I go Ronnie Brown. We get a point per reception and I hear Cam Cam Cam Cameron wants to get Ronnie the bean both on handoffs and short drop offs. I also hear that they had him return a couple of kickoffs to see what happens. I seem to remember the Giants doing that with Sehorn a few years ago and it completely ruined his career. So that's a happy thought.

Three -
These online drafts go a lot quicker, I can't believe I'm on the clock already. I can shore up my RB bench (we only start two) or get a high end receiver. I go receiver since there is a lot of real estate between me and my next pick and take Roy Williams. I had him a couple of years ago and it was a year too early. This year Martz will get him the ball if it kills him.

Four -
In my downtime a bunch of the top notch QBs are taken and some of the better receivers. But the mini-run on QBs means that Andre Johnson is still there and I snatch him up immediately. Two number one receivers, and I had Andre in my first tier. Score.

Five -
Again, this draft zips by, especially at the end of the row where the picks go rapid fire if the guys on the end know what they're doing. I need to revisit the RB situation and its basically Marshawn Lynch or All Day. I know Marshawn is going to start right away but I'm scared of guys on Buffalo unless we're doing IDP's (we're not). I go with Peterson and the potential for greatness.

Six -
The aforementioned QB run has left the QB cupboard bare and I know I need to pull the trigger around this point in the draft. In the second straight high risk round I go McNasty. I'm officially shitting my pants about this pick. I never focus my team around QBs but if he goes down I am fucked.

Seven -
K2 and Heap go off the board so I'm passing on TE for a while. Last year I weighted my TEs too high and it bit me in the ass so I'd rather beef up other areas. Mark Clayton is going into his third year in the league, a time most guys start to get it. He's the number one receiver in Bawlmer now. Their offense sucks but their defense gives them posessions. I love this pick.

Eight -
The second tier TE's go off the board but Witten is still there. Since the Angry Armenian and the Dogg just took tight ends I know I can wait on Witten with Plexi-Glas staring me in the face. Another guy who is the number one receiver on his team.

Nine -
Witten. I hope I'm not missing something on this guy, I think he is great. I don't know why everyone is down on this guy, its not like he ran a dogfighting ring in his backyard.

Ten -
It basically comes down to Warrick Dunn vs. Braylon Edwards. Dunn is a small guy on the wrong side of 30 coming off back surgery on a team that has a new coach and had some minor offseason incidents. I'm a little WR heavy but Edwards is the star receiver on a team that will be playing from behind a lot vs. a guy in Dunn who I would hope to never use. Not an easy call but I go Edwards.

Eleven -
I want more depth at RB and even though Tatum Bell isn't a question mark, he's ten question marks, he gets the call. The Kevin Jones injury sitch sounds worse by the minute. Hopefully Tatum doesn't see much time for Shark Sandwich.

Twelve -
I was keen on getting either Leinart, Cutler, Rivers or Romo but none are left so I go Eli. He takes a lot of bullshit for not being his toolbag brother but his fantasy numbers are surprisingly good when you look at them.

Thirteen -
I'm not big on handcuffing at all. So needless to say with Chester the Molester still here he just got the call. I'm sure he is thrilled, as am I to have locked down the backfield of a team that some are calling the worst in the league.

The rest -
All meaningless positions like DST (Cowboys, Jets for the homer pick/special teams production), kicker (Olindo Mare for a dome kicker, Mike Nugent for another homer) and Chris Brown for a guy who could surprise.

All in all I like my team. Loaded at wide receiver. A little risky at RB and QB but serious, serious upside potential there. Solid if not spectacular elsewhere in the positions that don't count. I didn't get sucked into any runs and just kept stockpiling weapons. The results will be there soon enough but for right now I can dig it.

Help Wanted

It was perhaps the biggest kick in the nuts I have ever suffered at a live sporting event. Everyone on the 7 train going out to Shea knew better than to think for one second about what came next if we won this one. The tension was so unbearable that people were starting to act weird, like Ghostbusters when it looks like the world is going to end weird. The ride back was even trippier, and not in the wow that tree sure is fucking cool looking way; it was the wow I want this to end so I can finally fall asleep way. There wasn't a hell of a lot of words exchanged, (although one rather rank and drunken bum was just as exasperated as we were that Beltran didn't take a hack), mostly mutterings about never watching baseball again. One statement that my boy Tipper and I did agree on was this: trade Heilman now. The only way guys ever bounce back from something like that is with a change of scenery, otherwise they become mental patients. He ain't gotta go home but he's gotta get the hell out of here.

Fast forward ten months to tonight's barn burner between the Mets and Padres in a rubber game that is a potential October preview. Mets go down, battle back. Go down, battle back. Go down, battle back. Then the asshole who is too good to come out of the bullpen finds himself in the all too familiar position of looking over his shoulder at the winning home run.

Our bullpen is shaky enough as it is with Omar's idiotic decision to re-sign Mota after he failed a juice test. Failing the test means two things. Number one, the guy is a fucking moron since everyone knows you switch to HGH during the season. Number two, and more importantly, you KNOW that his performance last year was enhanced. Newsflash: steroids make you better at sports, whether it is hockey, golf, football, jai alai, dogfighting....it really doesn't matter. They enhance one's performance, hence the name. Don't sign a guy if you know for a fact he isn't going to be as good when he's off the sauce!

But back to Heilman. He acts like he'd rather be at an insurance seminar than on the field. He crumbles in big spots. He hates the organization because they won't let him start. But we can't trade him now because the deadline has passed. I would never advocate assassinating a player (at least not publicly). But if nothing else Tonya Harding taught us that a well placed shot with a crowbar can do wonders. Who's willing to take one for the team (if its your first offense you're looking at max one year in the big house, you can get it down to 8 months with good behavior) and pull a Jeff Gillooly to get rid of this guy for the stretch? Somebody please step up!

Yeah Eli!

Jets-Giants is not a rivalry by any definition. Yes, thanks to those bloodsucking pondscum Dolans the Jets are the extra man in the porno scene in Giants Stadium (and will be for the next 30 years). But despite having even closer physical ties than Mets-Yankees (as far as I know the Mets and Yankees only shared a stadium when the seventh circle of hell was being renovated in the 70s) the blood fued amongst fans isn't there. We also don't share a division like the Islanders and Rangers do so the hatred that could be brewed there doesn't exist (although if they ever re-align how about Jets, Giants, Patriots and Eagles in the same division). We only play each other every four years. Jets and Giants fans are Rodney King's wet dream: we all just get along.

So as a Jet fan, while I had been mostly ambivalent towards Eli Manning so far, I was fired up to read that he basically said "Deeez nuuuuts" to Tiki Barber after Tiki took some not-so-veiled cheap shots at Eli. This is the single best thing Eli has done in his football career (and the second best thing he has ever done, behind only scoring the prime piece of ass that is the future Mrs. Eli). Tiki did lead my fantasy team to a championship belt a couple of years ago, but last year he not only quit on his (and my) team, his coaches (both me and Coughlin) and the Giants fans that wait 35 years to get season tickets, he spent every waking moment self-promoting when he was max two months away from having the rest of his life to do so. I don't begrudge any NFL player that walks away, especially a running back. But do it with dignity and respect for your teammates. You know, maybe keep it on the DL that you don't give a rat's ass anymore.

A little bit before Christmas last year I was discussing the future of the G-Men (this was before they backdoored into the playoffs but his view was the same even after they made it) with my uncle. He said he couldn't wait for the season to end so Tiki would be gone already and then he hoped they would cut Strahan so it would be Eli's team. Well Strahan is back (and with the terms of that divorce he will be playing until 2038) but by publicly telling Tiki to go piss up a flagpole this could be the first step in the Giants becoming Eli's team. Good hustle Eli, next time disguise your voice, say you're from NBC and tell him Matt Lauer's fluffer called in sick. Tiki'll teleport to the studio for that opportunity.

Pinners

- every time I turn around someone else is asking if I watch "Hard Knocks". The answer is no, simply because I absolutely despise Herm Edwards and always have. I'll grant that he can provide a great sound bite. But he is an absolutely terrible game coach, and the half-assed effort he put forth in that Chiefs-Colts game was an embarassment. He gave his good buddy Tony Dungy an easy win so he would have an easier road to the Super Bowl. He did the exact opposite of "play to win the game". Despicable.

- major downer as word is the Canes are moving out of the OB. To an outsider, the OB is a complete dump, a disaster area from a bygone era. But it is important to note that most outsiders got their teeth kicked in whenever they came to our house. It may be a dump but its our dump, and no stadium in this country has seen more great victories for its home team in the modern era. Oh and they serve El Presidente.

- dated, but relevant as the college season is around the corner. Every year there is no real champ college football loses ground to the NFL. With one or two exceptions my buddies in NYC actively go out of their way to avoid college ball. The lack of a tournament = lack of integrity in their eyes. In lieu of a tournament most would prefer the old disjointed bowl system than the current contrived steaming pile of crap. "Boise State won for the little guy!". Won what exactly? Did they knock off a tough opponent on their way to the semi-finals? Or did they win a meaningless game that served the sole purpose of promoting awareness of the latest flavor of Tostitos? All you NFL prospects out there, you need to develop a stomach virus and sit these meaningless games out unless it is the title game.

- finally, it has to be addressed. The other day, from what I could actually comprehend, some psycho on the FAN a guy who could scarcely speak English was essentially saying Vick should be electrocuted through his nuts. One major point first. The "rape stand" is more commonly known as a "breeding table" and one is owned by every single dog breeder in this country, most of whom love dogs more than people. There are a million talking points in this story, that isn't one of them. On the main point, nobody in this country, especially me, is going to publicly condone dogfighting. But I think Goodell has the same plan for Vick the psycho on the FAN was advocating. The combination of the overwhelmingly unpopular nature of the crime, terrible PR thanks to every media outlet jumping all over the easy meat, and whoever these PETA assholes are are sending Vick to the tank more so than his crime. Luckily for me, my fantasy draft hasn't happened yet. Penn State is good, state pen doesn't help me regain my championship belt.

80's vs. 90's

Whenever the decades of the latter half of the 20th century are discussed people always talk about how the 60's rocked, or how the 70's were the groovier version of the 60's, or how the 80's were just 10 straight years of pure awesomeness (note: the 50's, while technically part of the latter half of the century, fit much better in the 20's vs. 40's debate that rages amongst octogenarians in assisted living facilities throughout the land). The 90's are only spoken about in the hushed tones one uses when talking about a disgraced family member's latest misdeed. That's all about to change right now, at least for anyone who ventures into this neck of the woods.

The 60's and 70's will be left out of the discussion (for now at least). The easy answer is that I wasn't even born during the 60's and was all of 3 1/2 years old when the 70's ended so I have no first hand recollections of either decade. The real reason is that there is nothing worse than listening to some self-worshipping baby boomer babble on about how their generation stood for something, and changed the world, and blah, blah freakin blah, especially if said boomer claims to have been a hippie back then. You weren't trying to change the world, you were trying to get into the pants of the non-bra wearing blonde with a flower in her hair who seemed impressed by your bullshit. Save the sermon and let her suffer through it next time she has a break between conference calls.

So that brings us to 80's vs. 90's. Going through each topic one by one in separate posts, I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the 90's were far superior to the 80's in music, clothing, sports, movies, and in general (in general = other topics that don't fit neatly into the ones named). Its high time we, the redheaded stepchildren of the 20th century, stood up for ourselves against those 80's punks who are awash in cheesiness. The 90's were our decade, and it was the best damn decade that century ever saw.

R.I.H. NBA

In sixth grade a new kid named Paul moved to town and was put into my class. Back then, (kind of like now), my judgment of guys largely revolved around their interests in sports and Paul was a sports nut. So I was shocked at the response when I asked if he had watched the opening game of the Knicks season. He looked at me as if I asked if he still crapped his pants regularly. "NBA? How can you watch that garbage? Everyone knows its fixed."




That was roughly 19 years ago in the height of the Larry-Magic-early Michael years. In the years to follow the Dunk Contest became an event almost on par with the Super Bowl for me, I simultaneously stood in awe of and hated Michael Jordan, fueds with "Bulls fans" sometimes got physical, I owned a pair of Ewings and wore them to school until they fell apart, and the Knicks ripped my heart out when Starks kept clanging brick after brick.



My love of the Knicks continued into college. I sat in Howl at the Moon with only the bartender for company the night after everyone moved out junior year and screamed at the tv as the Knicks fought their way out of the Heat series in '97. Even after college we marveled at the greatest dunk contest ever won by Vince Carter in 2000.



The worm has turned since then. The Knicks have become persona non grata in my mind, and the fact that they suck isn't even why. First they hired a guy that I have hated with a passion my whole life, a man who has failed miserably at everything he has done off the basketball court. Then, the hated Dolans blocked the Jets from moving back to New York. This I cannot forgive, and I cannot possibly buy tickets/merchandise to financially support these men who prevented New York from having a football team, a Super Bowl, stadium concerts, and billions of dollars of revenue.



But these are all legitimate reasons to hate the Knicks, and this is supposed to be about hating the NBA. On that point, the way palming/travelling are called, the game more resembles European Handball than basketball. When Starbury drives he covers the ball up with both arms like a running back and takes three steps minimum. The quality of play has become a joke since everyone is drafted on potential instead of production unless they are taken by the Spurs. Additionally, all anyone ever talks about is contracts. The most valuable player on a team is usually the guy whose contract expires the soonest. Related to this, the meaninglessness of regular season games has gotten to the point where you'll see more effort in an over-30 half court league.



BUT these are all things that can be fixed (just call travels, adopt the NFL anti-Maurice Clarett rule and have non-guaranteed contracts). The hurdle I can't get over anymore is the now-proven orchestrated nature of the league. Don't let the Blazers beat the Lakers, the Blazers won't draw ratings. We need a squeaky clean young star, get Dwayne Wade to the line. The other night on PTI Wilbon was saying the NBA will be fine if they can prove it was just one guy involved. That's like saying if Bonds passes a test tomorrow he never did juice. I refuse to waste my time on the league and honestly hope it becomes less popular than the lowly NHL. Rest in Hell NBA. If they didn't know before, now everyone knows its fixed. Just like Paul told me.

R.I.P. Scooter

You have to look long and hard to find people who hate the Yankees as much as I do. I would rather go for a discount prostate exam in a trailer than go to their rathole stadium which is akin to the seventh circle of hell for me. I would rather listen to nails on a blackboard than have to suffer through conversations with their fans, especially when they start referring to themselves as die-hards. The Yankees are a thorn in my side that gets twisted repeatedly by such a multitude of reasons that it merits its own post. I hate everything about the organization and am risking a turn in hell for the evil I wish upon their persons.

This all being said, there was always one exception. I genuinely liked the Scooter. Like all good people from Long Island I grew up watching the Mets religiously, even when they were absolutely terrible. But when they weren't on and I watched the Yankees the Scooter made it fun. It was similar to watching a game with a grandfather or great uncle who would regale you with great, sentimental, quirky, sometimes silly, but always engaging stories of good old days long past. Some involved tales from the Scooter's historic playing days and teammates. My favorite was one that spanned a good two and a half innings about the time he broke his nose walking straight into a glass door he didn't see coming at an airport. He was funny without forcing, always warm and engaging and was just a pleasure to invite into your home.

Rest in peace Scooter, your old family and buddies have been waiting for you to join the game up there. I tip my Met cap to you, sincerely and respectfully.

Thomas Jones

While I don't remember exactly what I was watching, I do clearly remember seeing the espn crawl when the Jets traded for Thomas Jones, specifically because I had to see it three times to make sure I wasn't missing something. I immediately called the Dogg to confirm what my eyes wouldn't believe. All we had to give up was what? That's it? This guy just ran them to the friggin' Super Bowl, why would the Bears trade him to us for nothing? What don't we know about this guy, is he damaged goods? And then I blurted out the words I wish I could take back:

"With our luck he'll probably blow out his MCL in the first pre-season game."

Now at this point it is important to highlight a footnote of family history. My uncles have had season tickets to the Jets since they played at Shea, and their current seats are five rows behind the Jets bench. In that fateful season of 1998 my aunt had won a Jets Super-Fan contest which entitled her to an all expense paid trip for two to the Super Bowl if the Jets made it (she has acheived a special level of hatred for Keith Byars that cannot be described in mere words).

After sulking for about a month after the Debacle in Denver, Jet fans licked their wounds, bucked up and said you know what, we're gonna go out in '99 and steamroll the AFC. We're due. That attitude was palpable in the car ride to the Meadowlands as my uncle stated emphatically "We've got the D! We've got the weapons on offense! We've got the Tuna! As long as Vinny doesn't get hurt we're going to the Super Bowl baby!"

Needless to say, Vinny was hurt almost instantly. All was not lost as his immediate replacement lead the team valiantly for the remainder of the first half. Unfortunately Parcells made the curious decision to go with lifetime zero Rick Mirer over punter/phenom QB Tom Tupa in the second half when Tupa was on fire in the first. Shellshock from losing Vinny made Tuna stick with Mirer until the Big Man was awakened by the loud crashing sound of the season imploding and sent in Ray Lucas, the superior option all along, to nurse us to a respectable 8-8. The lone bright spot of the season was that we held off on booking those hotel reservations for the big game.

What I'm hoping is that my family history doesn't repeat itself. My original quote said first preseason game, Jones got hurt in practice. I also predicted that he would blow out his MCL, he apparently has something curiously known as a lisfranc sprain. This is one of those new injuries that didn't exist 10 years ago, like a sports hernia. In layman's terms I think he has a sprained ankle. But just in case, let's just say its a good thing Ben Graham used to play rugby.

Dwight/Darryl/Tyson

As anyone who attended or visited Fordham University up until the end of the school year 1999 can tell you (and we're talking the real Fordham in the Boogie Down BX, not that Lincoln Center b.s.) the place to be on Thursday nights was Clarke's on the corner of Fordham and Webster. Five dollars for all you can drink Scheiffer's (sp) draft from 10-1 in a bar that was colossal by NYC standards. Where the concept of ID's was a complete joke in the mid 90's, bowl-smoking didn't need to be hidden at all, and anyone drinking out of anything but a plastic cup was considered a pompous prick. Where the beers give you gas and the Bundy's kick ass.......

If you're still reading and didn't go to Fordham; God bless you. But I'm sure you had a similar bar at your school. The one completely unique thing at Clarke's (to me at least) was a 4x6 picture hanging on the wall that only regular Locals (read: raging alcoholic Irish immigrants) and hard-drinking students (read: sons of raging alcholic Irish immigrants) knew intimately. A photo of Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry in full Mets regalia bookending Mike Tyson. The three ultimate symbols of drugs gone bad, lost potential, and the dark side of 1980's New York in one tiny wooden photo frame. And they were all my hero's.

I look back now and wonder who was to blame for that era, if anyone. I know for sure many people were full of shiznit. I love Ronald Reagan, he is undoubtedly the greatest president of my lifetime and the 20th century. But Nancy's "Just Say No" campaign was not only an absurd waste of taxpayer money, it was inherently stupid. I don't really smoke weed anymore but lumping marijuana in with real drugs like crack and heroin was incredibly uninformed and irresponsible. Not the same ballpark, not even the same sport.

Which brings me back to the title/point of this post. The 1986 Mets are considered by some (read: me and other screwballs from Long Island) to be the greatest baseball team of the modern era. I couldn't care less that they were by and large boozehounds, womanizers, pill-poppers and dope-smokers. They provided me, at the age of 10, the single most enjoyable season of any sports team I have followed in my lifetime. Mike Tyson was the most electrifying man in sports entertainment (from Crooklyn!) when The Rock was still hoping a pube or two had shown up. Mark Gastineau was the leader of the New York Sack Exchange. Three/fourths of the Final Four in 1985 (well before the boring football schools took over the current commercialized snoozefest), the Big East ballers were blowing rails before games, winning and then hanging banners/carrying belts.

And I'm left to wonder why this was all bad........

Post #1 - The Single

Likes:
- New York Mets - no other team can rip your heart out like the Mets can.
- New York Jets - no other team can kick you square in the stones like the Jets can.
- Miami Hurricanes Football - the one gem in a group of rocks. Most dominant program in football in the modern era, by far. Two top five NFL Draft picks starting on the D right now. A year away from another Sears Trophy. And the Shea Stadium of college football as their home field where they serve El Presidente by they .22. IT'S GREAT....TO BE...A MIAMI HURRICANE......
- Fordham Rams Basketball - if you want a team to make you feel good about the Mets and Jets just take the D train to Fordham Road and walk east 'til you hit civilization......
- Golf, specifically if the commenters are aware that there are players other than Tiger Woods. I don't hate Tiger, I actually have a tremendous amount of respect for him. I just hate the mainstream coverage of golf, its either Tiger or Non-Tiger, at least say the leader's name guys!

Dislikes:
- Yankees Fans/Players, in that order until someone admits booing Payrod.
- Feel good sports stories - some prick who undoubtedly shat on people through his first 20-odd years of life develops a drinking/drug problem/goes broke and finally squeaks out a decent season just in time to sign another multi-million dollar contract/book deal about his drinking/drug/going broke problem doesn't make me feel good, it makes me feel naseous.
- The Rehab Culture. There are people that certainly need rehab. Lifetime barfly's, like plumber's union members or door-to-door rug salesmen, who spend significant chunks of all day/every day for decades in dark, dingy, roach infested $5 hummer from the waitress missing her two front teeth bars have a choice between rehab and death. For these people, continuing their current path will literally mean drinking themselves to death. Their best option is to go AA and never, ever, ever touch a drop of booze again (or at least until the reaper is in the room, which I can totally respect). If you're under 35, are concerned about any drug that doesn't involve a needle or are a celebutard, get out of the way of actual alcoholics, grow a set, and deal with it like the rest of us.

Favorite:
Football Player - Vinny Testaverde
Baseball Player - Keith Hernandez
Basketball Player - Patrick Ewing
Hockey Player - Marcelle Dionne

Second Favorite(s):
Football Player - Keyshawn Johnson/Mark Gastineau
Baseball Player - Dwight Gooden/Darryl Strawberry/Ron Darling
Basketball Player - Kenny Anderson/Chris Mullin/John Starks
Hockey Player - John Vanbeisbrouck/Stefan Matteiu/Ron Dougay (spelling on all)

Former Likes:
- NBA - the lack of effort in the regular season/ridiculous money contracts just kill me, stop guaranteeing those contracts! I don't want to be more sober than the guys in the layup line!
- NHL - part of the blame goes to the '94 Rangers, when they won it a major burden was lifted. The rest of the blame goes to whoever negotiated the VS deal and expanded the league.

I'm going to be honest. I'm not doing this blog to make money or to get attention or to try to impress anyone. The quotes you see above are mostly direct pulls from conversations I have with my best buddies here in NY via email while we pass the time when the market is slow. This format gives me the option of expanding on thoughts that would get me fired if I put them in email form as the SEC monitors our emails. This is a hobby for me, if you're still reading I hope you enjoy my future posts I'll try to entertain and be as offensive as possible.