Because I'm too lazy to write full articles on these:
- A-Rod - Winners: Texas Rangers skirt the 21 large they were on the hook for if he never opted out. Losers: Everyone else. Boras looks like a fool for about ten different reasons. A-Rod looks like a jerkoff for going back to a situation where he was universally hated by fans, media and teammates. Hank Steinbrenner looks like a pussy for backing off his refusal to even speak to Rod if he opts out. The Yankees are locking up a 32 year old for ten years, an absurd length of time for any employment contract in any industry. The locker room went from relief that an unwanted guest was finally leaving only to have him say PSYCHE and set up camp until 2017. And the fans are in an awkward state of going from hating him to kinda sorta liking him to hating him and being glad he's gone to I guess kinda sorta being happy he's back. A lot of people say "Fuck I don't care, its not my money". Keep that in mind when you're paying 10 bucks for a 12 oz. beer in a paper cup to pay his salary.
- THE OSU/Michigan - if you haven't gotten around to watching the HBO special on this series do yourself a favor and take a pass on it. It was as bad as the UCLA documentary was good. The historical stuff was fascinating, the interviews with Bo were riveting especially considering that he died two days after filming and Desmond Howard's description of what was going through his head as he was running back the TD and deciding whether or not to do the Heisman pose was hilarious. But the interviews with the toolbox fans were pathetic, depressing, boring and absolutely unbearable and ruined the entire show.
- Mike Golic apparently admitted specifics about using roids today on his radio show. Many people like to tell you that because of random testing, steroid use is non-existent in college and the NFL. Bull fucking shit. I absolutely guarantee you that there is a shitload more going on than the occasional Luis Castillo incident. I remember a lineman on our football team in college (and we're talking I-AA here, this wasn't The U) telling us that basically everyone, himself and almost all of his teammates included, who played at the college level was juicing. It was just part of the deal. Let's face it, leagues have everything to lose by having a good testing policy. Look at cycling. If you ask a stranger what they know they will give one of two responses: Lance Armstrong (former noble family man turned child molestor) and/or blood doping. Cycling's testing is too good for its own good. It has caught too many people. The image of the sport is completely ruined. They would have been better off with a weaker testing program that left people wondering instead of knowing. You know, like baseball.
- Finally the pick. Holy shit I won a bet last week (by a cool 0.5 margin fuck you very much). This week its back to the college scene with Maryland getting 7.5 against FSU. Always take the fat fuck over the old bastard, its an age old adage. I also like the Arkansas Razorbacks giving 11 to Mississippi State (look for McFadden to run wild in a Heisman push) and LSU giving 19.5 to Ole Miss in a score runup to try to lock up the national title game. Is this breaking my policy of only one pick per week? Yes, but there aren't many weekends of college ball left, and its not like these locks have been hitting worth a shit anyway smartass..........
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Questions of the Week
Some things to ponder going into the weekend:
- is there a bigger cockshiner on TV nowadays than Cris Collinsworth? This fucknut makes me long to hear Billy Packer get on the mic. If I was teaching someone the English language, starting with the naughty words of course, when we got to douchebag I would play a 30 second clip of CC yammering on and there would be instant comprehension. He's added a new wrinkle this year where he talks about the Patriots in a smug, snarky manner as if he has something to do with their success. And you can't get away from this prick either, he's on NBC's crapfest and has ruined Inside the NFL. Hopefully Dan Marino learned a thing or two about violence filming Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and will beat Collinsworth to a pulp asap.
- does anyone take it seriously anymore when they mention the Mets as a possible destination for a free agent? The classic ploy by agents is to get the NY teams involved to drive your price up. But does anyone really think Jorge Posada is coming to the Mets? Or A-Rod? I've heard the argument that the Mets should play along to drive up the prices of these guys for the Yankees (or the Dodgers). But does this even make sense? Doing so will just drive up the price of the (second tier) guy the Mets do actually wind up getting. At least once say "we're not involved, we have no interest whatsoever ever ever ever" and see what happens.
- will I watch one second of live NBA action this year? For me the magic 8 ball isn't seeing much likelihood, certainly not as long as David Stern is involved, possibly not ever again. Just can't get myself even remotely into it.
- has there ever been a better press conference moment than Denny Green's blowup last year? Press conferences are incredibly dull, I've tried watching ESPN's coverage of them on a Monday day off and it is the single most boring thing one can experience. There have been some notable exceptions of course, everyone loves "Playoffs?!?! P-p-p-playoffs?!!?!", "We talking about practice" and of course John Chaney trying to kick John Calipari's ass. With the NFL being a copycat league, and the coach being copied being the most miserable fuck walking the planet we may never see another moment like Denny's "You wanna crown them? Then crown their ass!" tirade, the greatest press conference moment in history.
- will one of these monster locks ever hit? Yes hot dammit, this one. Buffalo giving 2.5 to the lowly Fish at Joe Robbie or whatever the hell that lifeless dump the Canes will be calling home next year is called. The Bills are a tough group despite all the injuries and have a winning record against the spread with one of their real (and spread) losses coming against the team that runs up the score. And the Fish have made such poor personnel decisions that this movement to blow the team up completely and start over gets my full endorsement. Bet a testicle on it.
- is there a bigger cockshiner on TV nowadays than Cris Collinsworth? This fucknut makes me long to hear Billy Packer get on the mic. If I was teaching someone the English language, starting with the naughty words of course, when we got to douchebag I would play a 30 second clip of CC yammering on and there would be instant comprehension. He's added a new wrinkle this year where he talks about the Patriots in a smug, snarky manner as if he has something to do with their success. And you can't get away from this prick either, he's on NBC's crapfest and has ruined Inside the NFL. Hopefully Dan Marino learned a thing or two about violence filming Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and will beat Collinsworth to a pulp asap.
- does anyone take it seriously anymore when they mention the Mets as a possible destination for a free agent? The classic ploy by agents is to get the NY teams involved to drive your price up. But does anyone really think Jorge Posada is coming to the Mets? Or A-Rod? I've heard the argument that the Mets should play along to drive up the prices of these guys for the Yankees (or the Dodgers). But does this even make sense? Doing so will just drive up the price of the (second tier) guy the Mets do actually wind up getting. At least once say "we're not involved, we have no interest whatsoever ever ever ever" and see what happens.
- will I watch one second of live NBA action this year? For me the magic 8 ball isn't seeing much likelihood, certainly not as long as David Stern is involved, possibly not ever again. Just can't get myself even remotely into it.
- has there ever been a better press conference moment than Denny Green's blowup last year? Press conferences are incredibly dull, I've tried watching ESPN's coverage of them on a Monday day off and it is the single most boring thing one can experience. There have been some notable exceptions of course, everyone loves "Playoffs?!?! P-p-p-playoffs?!!?!", "We talking about practice" and of course John Chaney trying to kick John Calipari's ass. With the NFL being a copycat league, and the coach being copied being the most miserable fuck walking the planet we may never see another moment like Denny's "You wanna crown them? Then crown their ass!" tirade, the greatest press conference moment in history.
- will one of these monster locks ever hit? Yes hot dammit, this one. Buffalo giving 2.5 to the lowly Fish at Joe Robbie or whatever the hell that lifeless dump the Canes will be calling home next year is called. The Bills are a tough group despite all the injuries and have a winning record against the spread with one of their real (and spread) losses coming against the team that runs up the score. And the Fish have made such poor personnel decisions that this movement to blow the team up completely and start over gets my full endorsement. Bet a testicle on it.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
The Weekend
Observations from the weekend:
- the college overtime system needs to be tweaked, big time. The 25 yard line is WAY too close ot the end zone. The games go on forever. Statistics are wildly inflated (imagine if there was a decent fantasy college football format). It is too gimmicky. And it is a cheap way to lose, a loss in this overtime isn't the same as losing in four quarters, it just isn't.
- if you just read the box score it might seem like KU was running up the score on Nebraska but honestly it was more like Nebraska was doing everything in their power to make sure KU scored on every possession. Great win for KU who has been on the wrong side of those beatings quite a few times against Nebraska who has never ever even considered calling off the dogs. If they Jayhawks run the table they are in, I don't care who else is out there.
- A lot of people are handing the Heisman to Dennis Dixon now that BC lost. I just don't get why the Heisman needs to go to a player on the team that wins (or at least plays for) it all. Isn't it possible that the best player amongst the 10,000 or so playing I-A football isn't on the number one ranked team? I'm not knocking Dixon because if he wins it he deserves it, I'm knocking the manner in which Ryan was disposed of like a used snotrag. Luckily the lucrative Holy Shit Award is still up for grabs.
- Deciding who plays in the BCS title game this year could be uglier than ever. There is almost certainly going to be a deserving team left out and there could be a possibility that a game other than the BCS title game holds the two most worthy teams. It would be great if there were some way in sports to decide who the best team was without relying on a popularity contest. Unfortunately, neither I nor anyone else can think of a better way for a championship to be decided than through a formula of writers trying to sell newspapers, complicated computer models and unpaid assistant coaches voting on who the best team is.
- good to see Peyton Manning back to his usual choke artist self, it was like welcoming home a family member you haven't seen in a season. I mean year.
- The battle for the first pick in the draft is going to be neck and neck, good to see the Jets squeak out a loss on Sunday. Of course it really doesn't matter, like all of our first rounders this one will undoubtedly be a bust (think Blair Thomas or Dewayne Robertson) or show some promise with the Jets only to blossom for another team (think James Farrior, Keyshawn Johnson, Kyle Brady, Jeff Lageman, Jonathan Vilma v2008 etc.)
- Nothing beats suffering through a Monday night game that was decided within five minutes of the kickoff hoping that the combination of Willie Parker and Jake Reed don't score north of 28 fantasy points. I've never seen a team yap more when down by five touchdowns than the Ravens. Bart Scott was yelling at the Steelers sideline after every tackle he made. Zip it and get back in the huddle. Steve McNair looks like he didn't survive that last surgery. With the way he stands there with the ball like a fucking statue he's teeing up a few more operations this offseason.
- Finally, its hip these days to bitch about the "This is our country" commercials. But a darkhorse has emerged in the race for "commercial that will be brought up in a justifiable homicide defense before the end of the 2008 NCAA tournament". Those fucking piece of shit Comfort Suites "I've been everywhere" ads. I've been to Newark Hackensack three meetings back to back......well I'm fucking begging for mercy here people. Please stop with this ad campaign before I start hurting myself and others around me. I get it, you've been everywhere. You win. I give.
- the college overtime system needs to be tweaked, big time. The 25 yard line is WAY too close ot the end zone. The games go on forever. Statistics are wildly inflated (imagine if there was a decent fantasy college football format). It is too gimmicky. And it is a cheap way to lose, a loss in this overtime isn't the same as losing in four quarters, it just isn't.
- if you just read the box score it might seem like KU was running up the score on Nebraska but honestly it was more like Nebraska was doing everything in their power to make sure KU scored on every possession. Great win for KU who has been on the wrong side of those beatings quite a few times against Nebraska who has never ever even considered calling off the dogs. If they Jayhawks run the table they are in, I don't care who else is out there.
- A lot of people are handing the Heisman to Dennis Dixon now that BC lost. I just don't get why the Heisman needs to go to a player on the team that wins (or at least plays for) it all. Isn't it possible that the best player amongst the 10,000 or so playing I-A football isn't on the number one ranked team? I'm not knocking Dixon because if he wins it he deserves it, I'm knocking the manner in which Ryan was disposed of like a used snotrag. Luckily the lucrative Holy Shit Award is still up for grabs.
- Deciding who plays in the BCS title game this year could be uglier than ever. There is almost certainly going to be a deserving team left out and there could be a possibility that a game other than the BCS title game holds the two most worthy teams. It would be great if there were some way in sports to decide who the best team was without relying on a popularity contest. Unfortunately, neither I nor anyone else can think of a better way for a championship to be decided than through a formula of writers trying to sell newspapers, complicated computer models and unpaid assistant coaches voting on who the best team is.
- good to see Peyton Manning back to his usual choke artist self, it was like welcoming home a family member you haven't seen in a season. I mean year.
- The battle for the first pick in the draft is going to be neck and neck, good to see the Jets squeak out a loss on Sunday. Of course it really doesn't matter, like all of our first rounders this one will undoubtedly be a bust (think Blair Thomas or Dewayne Robertson) or show some promise with the Jets only to blossom for another team (think James Farrior, Keyshawn Johnson, Kyle Brady, Jeff Lageman, Jonathan Vilma v2008 etc.)
- Nothing beats suffering through a Monday night game that was decided within five minutes of the kickoff hoping that the combination of Willie Parker and Jake Reed don't score north of 28 fantasy points. I've never seen a team yap more when down by five touchdowns than the Ravens. Bart Scott was yelling at the Steelers sideline after every tackle he made. Zip it and get back in the huddle. Steve McNair looks like he didn't survive that last surgery. With the way he stands there with the ball like a fucking statue he's teeing up a few more operations this offseason.
- Finally, its hip these days to bitch about the "This is our country" commercials. But a darkhorse has emerged in the race for "commercial that will be brought up in a justifiable homicide defense before the end of the 2008 NCAA tournament". Those fucking piece of shit Comfort Suites "I've been everywhere" ads. I've been to Newark Hackensack three meetings back to back......well I'm fucking begging for mercy here people. Please stop with this ad campaign before I start hurting myself and others around me. I get it, you've been everywhere. You win. I give.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Thank You II
Just wanted to continue on with the theme from the other day. I am looking forward to tomorrow's slate of college games far more than the "game of all time" on Sunday. You've got Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu-Nebraska to start off the day (and make sure to say a special thanks to your friends at the Big Ten Network for keeping THE OSU-Wisconsin on a channel that 38 people get instead of swapping it with Northwestern-Iowa). If you've ever asked a tired looking, scantily clad, not that good looking when sober waitress "Wait, so I can get gravy with the cheese fries?" you have to root for KU's head coach Mark Mangino. This guy looks like he had his first heart attack at the age of eleven. And he wore a velour track suit on the sidelines last weekend. As I told the Dogg, anyone who can be that shamelessly fat in public deserves our respect.
Then let's talk LSU-Bama. At first I had a brainfart and was curious as to why everyone was so worked up about teams that have played each other forever but never seemed like direct rivals (mainly because Bama has always had Auburn as the thorn in their side). Stupid me then remembered the poor man's Belichick Saban fucked the Tigers balls deep to go to the Fish, then ass fucked their sister by taking the Bama job a year later. Its tough for a Jet fan to equate the hatred for Belichick taking the Jet job for one day and then winning three and counting super bowls for your biggest rival to this, but its close. Go Tigers (and yes fuck you Bama for that Nat Title you jerked the Canes out of with your cheating ass coach Gene Stallings).
The Ducks-Sun Devils game is the game of the day. If you were dumb enough to bet with me last week you learned your lesson about Oregon, this team can ball. Arizona State may not have quite the pedigree but they pimped the only team (Cal) that can say they beat Oregon. And anyone who has ever splurged for the Playboy College Issue can vouch for the fact that ASU is number one regardless of who wins this game. Regardless, I like the Ducks to win this one and hopefully find themselves playing for a national title and not watching two subpar teams in THE OSU and BC play for a belt that belongs to either USC or the Ducks.
In closing, I'll end with the most insignificant game on the schedule as my pick. Is this the worst ND team of our lifetime? By far. Does Charlie Weis look like he can't even eat 1/4 of the grand slam breakfasts Mark Mangino can put down in a single sitting? Of course. Does Jimmy Clausen look like his best career path is learning to suck dick for spare change at the bus depot? Obviously. But is there a snowball's chance in hell that Navy will beat ND in South Bend tomorrow? XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. No way. Brady Quinn was bigger than every starter on Navy's defense last year. ND wins and covers the 3.5 easily.
Then let's talk LSU-Bama. At first I had a brainfart and was curious as to why everyone was so worked up about teams that have played each other forever but never seemed like direct rivals (mainly because Bama has always had Auburn as the thorn in their side). Stupid me then remembered the poor man's Belichick Saban fucked the Tigers balls deep to go to the Fish, then ass fucked their sister by taking the Bama job a year later. Its tough for a Jet fan to equate the hatred for Belichick taking the Jet job for one day and then winning three and counting super bowls for your biggest rival to this, but its close. Go Tigers (and yes fuck you Bama for that Nat Title you jerked the Canes out of with your cheating ass coach Gene Stallings).
The Ducks-Sun Devils game is the game of the day. If you were dumb enough to bet with me last week you learned your lesson about Oregon, this team can ball. Arizona State may not have quite the pedigree but they pimped the only team (Cal) that can say they beat Oregon. And anyone who has ever splurged for the Playboy College Issue can vouch for the fact that ASU is number one regardless of who wins this game. Regardless, I like the Ducks to win this one and hopefully find themselves playing for a national title and not watching two subpar teams in THE OSU and BC play for a belt that belongs to either USC or the Ducks.
In closing, I'll end with the most insignificant game on the schedule as my pick. Is this the worst ND team of our lifetime? By far. Does Charlie Weis look like he can't even eat 1/4 of the grand slam breakfasts Mark Mangino can put down in a single sitting? Of course. Does Jimmy Clausen look like his best career path is learning to suck dick for spare change at the bus depot? Obviously. But is there a snowball's chance in hell that Navy will beat ND in South Bend tomorrow? XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. No way. Brady Quinn was bigger than every starter on Navy's defense last year. ND wins and covers the 3.5 easily.
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