Frutal

Frutal. Fucking brutal. The only way to describe the past weekend in one word is to make one up that combines fucking and brutal. Going from easiest to toughest, let's start with my monster locks. I did make an unpublished comeback on Sunday nailing the Raiders (who aren't that bad) getting 3.5 against the lowly Fish. But my monster locks have absolutely sucked. My advice is to do the George Costanza and do the exact opposite of everything I say. You'll either make a killing or wind up saying damn, his monster locks are starting to hit.

Now the Jets. I knew we were going to regress after last season so I was expecting a lot less than many Jet fans coming into this season. However, before last Sunday the idea of Buffalo going 0-16 seemed like a very reasonable possibility. Not only does the team suck, half of them are hurt. Well nothing brings joy to a fan's face like playing one of my teams.

I had a pissing match with THE NONER at the Pet's bachelor party, and then repeated the same pissing match with THE NONER at the Pet's wedding because we were both sauced (at both events). I am in the camp that it is time to start Kellen Clemens, THE NONER wants Pennington to keep starting. THE NONER's camp likes to tell you that we have a better chance to win with Pennington and I don't necessarily disagree. BUT what does "winning" this season get us besides a worse draft slot? We're not making the playoffs and if by some miracle we did we're not going anywhere. Forget wins and losses. Start Clemens and get him some real snaps. We passed on Leinart and he's starting (in front of and learning from a former MVP). We passed on Cutler and he's starting. We took D'Brickashaw and right now he looks like a bust in training (Mangold on the other hand is an absolute beast). Its time to find out who this kid Clemens is since we decided he was our future over Leinart, Cutler and Brady Quinn.

Finally, the dreaded Mets. Number one, last year was at least ten times worse than this. I've had a disproportionate number of jerkoffs say things like "Oooh, take away his shoelaces and his belt". Last year was worth killing yourself over, this year was not. This year was more disbelief than disappointment. This team reminded me of the '87 Mets. Something just didn't feel right about this team the entire season. They were a half note off the entire time. We only stayed in first all season because the teams behind us lost when we needed them too. At the end it just grew tiresome rooting for the other teams to lose, and its something you can't count on.

Everyone has been waiting for the axe to drop on Willie. Fuck. That. Shit. He is the manager. Its not as meaningless as in the American League but we talkin' bout baseball. Baseball manager's get kicked out of games all the time, I'm convinced Bobby Cox does it so he can start drinking. If Mike Shanahan got kicked out of a game halfway through all hell would break loose. Baseball managers don't do dick. Firing Willie accomplishes nothing. Which means our sights should be set on.....

......Omar. Omar signed a guy in Mota based on stats that were proven to be inflated. He let Bradford walk because we didn't need another arm in the bullpen. Brian Bannister, Heath Bell and Matt Lindstrom maybe could have helped out. We've gotten older, more expensive, injury prone and worse under Omar's watch. Where is the heat on him?

As far as guys who may or may not be on the team, let's go through the list. I was ambivalent about the Luis Castillo trade until I saw him play regularly. This motherfucker can ball. I think the question is whether he wants us, not the other way around. Sign him if we can. Next you have Moises Alou. Everyone knows about the injuries but the bottom line is this guy is one of the best hitters I have ever seen. Don't go into the season counting on him as your number one leftfielder but exercise the option on him with an insurance plan in place. I'm a big Lo Duca fan, I've seen him take a pounding behind the plate, but its time to give Ramon "Fidel" Castro his turn. Sorry Paulie but you'll be too expensive to keep. I'm sure I'm in the minority on Jorge Sosa but I say bring him back to start, not to switch to the bullpen halfway through the season to fuck with his head. Shawn Green can go screw, I never wanted him in the first place and not playing on Yom Kippur is bullshit. Only bring back Damion Easley for the league minimum.

Finally, Titan Tommy. I was never as harsh on Glavine as most people were. I bought into the Glavine era way more than the El Duque era. This is possibly because Tommy pitched two of the most clutch games I've seen in person. One was game two against the Dodgers in the playoffs last year where he just mowed them down. The other sums up his tenure in a nutshell. Glav took a no-no into the 8th only to have it broken up by a nobody named Kip Pellow. Close, almost, no cigar. Just like always with this fucking team.

I'm done with baseball until '08. I'm not even sure who is playing who in the playoffs. I'm sure I'll be unable to avoid dipshit "Yankee fans" once they start playing. But I just don't have the stomach to watch. Instead I'll focus my efforts on praying for some of the Patsies' offensive linemen to start blowing out their knees. They are the reason the Pats are so terrifying. Brady is just there to knock up b-listers. Oh and Fordham basketball starts soon, they never disappoint me....Hmm, The Knicks run a tight ship......oh fuck. This is why I hate sports. Wait a minute. The Rangers baby! We're going to beat those Carolina Hurricanes and Columbus Blue Jackets and Nashville Predators and Dallas Stars all the way the hell back to Canada!!!! Bring it on!!!!