What a Game

As we all know there is nothing more tedious than hearing about someone's fantasy team. But this ending was not to be believed. I mis-coached Shark Sandwich all weekend. Sitting on my bench were Eli Manning, Adrian Peterson, Tatum Bell, Chris Brown and Plaxico Burress in favor of McNabb, Steven Jackson who picked up all of 2 points, Ronnie Brown who spent all day Sunday working himself into a nice platoon for the rest of the season and Mark Clayton who probably took 5 snaps tonight. And I fucking sat at my computer and listened to whatever retard writes the cbssportsline.com guru column Sunday night and played Clayton over Burress who had roughly a trillion points to Clayton's soon to be zero.

But enough griping, onto the ending. Staring down a goose egg from Clayton my only hope is for Heap to be contained. The fourth quarter was absolutely wild. Fast forward and the Ravens have the ball on the two with two minutes left. Shark Sandwich up by 4 over the Angry Armenian. Boller (subbing for an injured McNair) drills Heap in the numbers as the word "FUCK!!!!" comes out loud enough for all of my new neighbors to hear nice and clearly. Flag down. Who cares its on Cincy I lost. Wait a minute, this ref is pulling a Donaghy, he must be playing against Heap in his fantasy league too. Push off on Heap. 4th down - just one more baby. Boller throws a heave, its almost picked off YES I WIN WAIT A FLAG ------- same ref pulling a Donaghy again but against the Bengals this time. Must have remembered Heap is actually on his team, not against his team.

Four more fucking downs of this tension and I need some whiskey STAT. A couple of non-Heap plays before the one where I know exactly where this ball is going, Jaws knows exactly where the ball is going, the whole fucking stadium knows exactly where its going. I'm sweating like a slave in Debo's chicken coop. Boller nails Heap between the 8 and the 6 again "FUUUU WHOA THE BALL IS UP IN THE AIR" and the Bengals somehow pick it off. Bengals win, Shark Sandwich wins, Angry Armenian angrier. So this is what it feels like to win a meaningful NFL game (even if it is week one of a $100 fantasy league. He has LT for the love of God. And I'm a Jet fan, I need any joy I can wring from this wretched sport we love so much).

Speaking of the Jets, there has been a lot of stern talk by confirmed douchebags like Jim Nantz, Phil Simms, Keith Olberman and Steve Serby about how terrible the Jet fans are for cheering when Kellen Clemens entered the game yesterday. Hey douchebags I got two words for ya: "SUCK IT". Most Jet fans wanted to see Clemens get a shot this year (and after the mile wide gap between us and the classless Patriots that was exposed yesterday it is clear we won't be hoisting the Lombardi in '07). But regardless of that, who the fuck are these media cocksuckers to tell fans how to act at games? We don't go around telling Simms' queer son not to get Mike Shanahan's queer son's initials tattooed on his ankle because even George Michael thinks that's fucking queer now do we Phil?

Once a fan pays for his ticket he has free reign to do whatever he wants within the law and the boundaries of good taste. Stabbing a guy in a Chargers jersey or telling a ten year old to go fuck himself are no good. Cheering a backup QB coming in, or booing A-Rod, or chanting a couple of foul words that any kid who can understand them has already heard thousands of times on tv and uses religiously at school, well that's up to the fan, not some prick media type who has never paid for a ticket in his life. Boo, cheer, chant, get drunk, have fun, yell at the other team, yell at your own team, its all fine. Even stupid shit like painting yourself, dressing up like a schmuck or making a sign that makes no sense but somehow highlights the network's letters is okay, its up to you, its your fucking ticket. And if you REALLY feel the need to assault someone, make sure they're wearing a media credential first, preferrably Nantz, Simms or Olberman. I thought that asshole was dead anyway.